


The Process of Becoming

by damnata



Series: The Process of Loving [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alpha Isabelle Lightwood, Alpha Jace Wayland, Alpha Magnus Bane, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Omega Alec Lightwood, Time Skips, but only in the beginning, workplace harassment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-28 18:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20430455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damnata/pseuds/damnata
Summary: “What if I´m a beta?” Alec asked then, fear uncoiling in his stomach. He wouldn´t mind being a beta but father always said that his siblings were his responsibility. Alec couldn´t afford to let them down. “Or,” He frowned, trying to remember the word he had heard an older Shadowhunter sneer out after he bested another man at training. “An omega?”“You can´t be,” Hodge insisted. “You are a Lightwood. You cannot be anything else than an alpha Alec, least of all an omega. Not if you want to keep your family safe.”If only alphas could keep their families safe, Alec was going to try his hardest to be the best alpha there ever was.





	1. Growing pains

**Author's Note:**

> Prequel to The Process of Creation. 
> 
> Time jumps are my kink.
> 
> So is angst.

“I´m tired,” Alec whined petulantly, kicking his feet that didn´t quite reach the floor from the stiff chair he had been sitting upon for hours now. It was a true statement of his fatigue as the boy usually never argued with his tutors and instead took to his studies with utmost diligence. The day had, however, been tedious and Alec had been up since 7 AM, taking part in various training sessions and classes. 

It was now 6 PM, an hour before dinner and 2 hours before he was expected to retire to his room with a book that his father had picked out for him. More than likely another boring tome about the history of the Nephilim.

Alec hoped he could perhaps play with his siblings before he was supposed to go to bed. He had seen them playing in the garden before, their laughter carrying through the open windows that let a warm summer breeze into the otherwise chilly library.

“You are the future alpha of your family, Alec,” Hodge, his tutor, said patiently as he came to a stop next to where Alec was sitting, his form towering over the small boy. “This is a great responsibility.”

“Why not Izzy?” Alec asked as he rubbed at his eyes tiredly. “Or the new baby? Why do I have to be the alpha?”

“Because you were born to be one,” Hodge sighed. He knelt down so he could look Alec in the eyes.

Hodge had grey eyes, Alec noted, as serious as they were sad. He didn´t know why.

“You love your siblings, don´t you?” He asked. “You don´t want them to get hurt, right? You want them to be happy?”

Alec nodded. Of course, he loved his siblings. He had loved Izzy from the moment he peered over the crib and saw her dark eyes staring back at him. He loved the new baby even though he hadn´t met him yet.

He liked Jace, only if he had arrived just a month ago and had broken his arm. He often snapped and said mean things to Alec but mama had said that Jace was scared because he felt lonely so Alec persisted in trying to be a brother to him. He was sure that once Jace accepted him, he would love him too.

“Then you have to study hard and become a proper alpha, Alec,” Hodge said. “Only an alpha can protect their family.”

“What if I´m a beta?” Alec asked then, fear uncoiling in his stomach. He wouldn´t mind being a beta but father always said that his siblings were his responsibility. Alec couldn´t afford to let them down. “Or,” He frowned, trying to remember the word he had heard an older Shadowhunter sneer out after he bested another man at training. “An omega?”

“You can´t be,” Hodge insisted. “You are a Lightwood. You cannot be anything else than an alpha Alec, least of all an omega. Not if you want to keep your family safe.”

“Is this why you don´t have a family?” The question was innocent in its naivete. “Because you are a beta?”

“That´s enough time wasted on what-ifs, Alec,” Hodge´s voice was sharp, final. “You are going to be an alpha and if you want to be a good one, you must study. I want you to finish this chapter before dinner.”

“Yes, sir,” Alec quickly agreed, dropping his gaze back on the yellowed pages before him.

If only alphas could keep their families safe, Alec was going to try his hardest to be the best alpha there ever was.

* * *

Alec blinked the sweat out of his eyes, his hands slipping on his bo staff. He had been feeling off for days now, had even subjected himself to endless cups of foul-tasting medicinal tea as he suspected he was coming down with the flu or something else.

Shadowhunters had no time to waste on being sick.

He swayed on his feet, the feeling of vertigo making him nauseous. Gritting his teeth, Alec shook his head before attacking once again, his frustration with himself fuelling his body. Jace parried his attack with ease, sidestepping Alec and effortlessly landing his own staff in the middle of his back, causing him to grunt in pain.

“What´s up with you today?” Jace asked, a tone of annoyance in his voice as well as his scent as he circled Alec, a picture of cockiness.

“Nothing,” Alec panted, straightening up once again. He ignored the cramping low in his stomach and squared his shoulders. “I´m fine.”

“You smell weird. Are you sure you´re OK?”

“Yes,” Alec bit out tersely and launched himself at Jace once again, the loud clattering of their staves making his head throb. 

He held his own for a while, blocking and parrying Jace´s attacks as they danced around each other. It was getting more difficult for Alec to concentrate, however, the more they moved. As a newly presented alpha, Jace´s scent was still weak, the traces of it only noticeable once you got really close to him.

Something Alec had avoided doing for a while now.

Still, physical exertion was known to make one´s pheromones spike and soon enough Alec could feel Jace´s scent surrounding him. It was cloying, suffocating, coating his tongue and burning in his lungs.

His stomach cramped. His vision blurred.

Alec could distantly hear Jace calling for him, more taken by the cool stone floor of the training room that felt almost bitingly cold against his heated skin and the loud thudding of his own pulse in his ears. His whole body ached now, not just his stomach but his muscles, his eyes, even his teeth.

There were hands on his chest and then on his arms and neck and Alec tried his best to squirm away from the burning touch, from the suffocating stench of alpha that made his skin feel too tight and his limbs too loose.

“What happened?” Came a new voice, accompanied by the mild scent of beta. Hodge.

“I don´t know,” Jace replied uneasily, his voice too high from fear. It grated in Alec´s ears. “He just fainted. I think he has a fever, his skin is too hot and his pupils are dilated. Hodge, what´s wrong with him? He smells weird.”

“Shit,” Hodge cursed, striding closer to them. His footsteps revibrated painfully in Alec´s skull. “Jace, get away from him.”

“What? No! He´s going to be my parabatai, I want to help!”

“Get away from him NOW!”

Jace scrambled away from Alec and for a moment he could breathe clearly.

“He´s presenting,” Hodge said in lieu of explanation as he appeared above Alec, covering him with his own jacket in order to not touch any bare skin before lifting him off the ground and heading towards the doors. 

“Presenting?” Jace asked, confused. “I didn´t present like that. Is he sick?”

“No,” Hodge sighed. “You are going to have to find a new parabatai, kid. Alec´s an omega.”

* * *

“It´s alright, Alec,” Izzy soothed as Alec groaned in pain, his fingers twisted in his bedsheets. “You just have to drink a bit. Will you drink for me?”

Alec was reeling. It had been days of constant pain now, both sharp stings and underlying aches. The hours seemed to bleed into one as his body burned for something he didn´t understand.

“Isabelle,” He heard a woman say, distantly recognizing the voice as belonging to his mother. “Leave us for a moment.”

She let Izzy out of the room before closing the door firmly behind her and sat on the edge of Alec´s bed. But unlike all the other times where she would pull Alec in for a hug, she kept her distance. Unwilling to touch her son, unwilling to comfort him.

Alec dazedly blinked up at her, noticing that her eyes were wet.

“Mama?” He rasped out. “What´s wrong?”

“I should have seen it sooner,” Maryse said, more to herself. “You were always so...caring, so gentle and obedient.”

Her voice was filled with disappointment and Alec didn´t understand why. There was nothing wrong with being caring and obedient. He had to be. Someone had to teach Izzy her letters and sit with Jace when he was woken up by a nightmare. 

“It´s alright, mama,” He tried, reaching out to touch her. “I´m just a bit sick.”

“You´re not sick,” Maryse snapped and Alec flinched, dropping his hand. “You´re an omega.” The word seemed to taste foul in her mouth. “What are we going to do now, Alec? The whole of Idris will start gossiping as soon as it gets out and we just got them off our backs.”

“I didn´t mean to…”

“It doesn´t matter, Alec. I just...I wanted so much for you. We had so much planned, me and your father. You were supposed to be our firstborn, the one to inherit the Lightwood family name.” She sighed. “It doesn´t matter any more.”

There was a moment of fragile silence between them during which Alec tried his best not to let the discomfort he was in show. He didn´t think his mother would react kindly to it.

Maryse then reached out and took Alec´s hand in hers, squeezing it tightly as she smiled at her son, a bitter grimace. “We will endure this shame, as we have endured all that came before it.”

Alec thought it was meant to be reassuring but instead, it felt like a punch in the chest. Maryse dropped his hand and stood, smoothing imaginary wrinkles from her skirt. It seemed like she wanted to say something but then thought better of it. He stared at her, his hand still outstretched as his mother turned and left without glancing back, the klick of the door closing almost deafening. 

* * *

“Alec,” Hodge said, surprised, as he stepped into the library with Jace in tow. “What are you doing here?”

“I´m all better now,” Alec mumbled, his ears burning. He knew Hodge had been the one to pick him up and take him back to his room. To tell the others that he was in heat. “I´m ready to learn again. I promise I will work hard to make up for the days I was...sick.”

“Didn´t your parents talk to you?” The beta asked, frowning.

“Mom came to see me four days ago. I thought they went back to Idris.”

Alec watched as Hodge and Jace approached the table, putting a variety of books he had already studied on it. He couldn´t help but notice that the books he had been working on were gone.

“No, they are still here…Listen, Alec, I have orders to start tutoring Jace from now on and you know my time is limited.”

“Oh,” The young omega said quietly, sliding off the chair that had become his to make room for his brother.

“Why can´t Alec study with me?” Jace asked.

“It wouldn´t be appropriate. You are the future Head of the New York Institute and the alpha of your family. Sit down, we have a lot we need to cover.”

“I thought Alec was going to be the head…”

“Alec is an omega,” Hodge said absently and then as if remembering that he was still in the room turned towards the boy. “Alec, can you leave us, please? Jace needs to concentrate.”

“Yes.”

Alec went to collect his papers and the fountain pen Hodge had gifted him the first day he had started tutoring him. It now felt like ages ago. He didn´t understand what was happening but was too scared to ask. Hodge had always told him that he needed to study hard because he was going to head the whole institute, that he needed to be worthy of the position.

He wondered what he had done to not be worthy anymore.

“Actually,” Hodge said then. “You can leave these things here, Jace will need them.”

Alec looked at the nice blue pen he had carefully kept in its box for as long as he had it. He had thought it was a gift.

“Of course,” He said, trying to not sound rejected. “I´m sorry.”

He was slow to leave the library, hoping that Hodge would call him back, hoping that the beta would tell him that it was a joke or a mistake but it didn´t happen. When the door finally closed behind him, Alec felt like he had lost more than his favourite pen.

He didn´t cry until he made it back to his room.

* * *

Omegas were often regarded as small and dainty creatures, with classically appealing features and soft, nurturing natures. They were supposed to be docile, naive, dependant on their alphas for protection and care. Most movies and books tended to depict omegas as short and slender girls with long blonde hair and big blue eyes, hanging off the arm of a burly alpha man.

While Alec started out as a child small for his age, nothing could have prepared either him or his joke of a second gender to the growth spurt that started the summer before his 16th birthday. Seemingly within moments, Alec´s height shot up like a weed, his limbs turning awkward and gangly which in turn had made sparring harder as he was not able to properly anticipate the strength of his hits or the range of his arms any longer.

Come spring, Alec had gone through multiple sets of clothing and bows and hours upon hours of training to fill in his form. Next summer, Alec stood a head over both Jace and his father. 

Along with the growth spurt came other physical changes. Gone was the baby fat from his face and instead his features acquired a certain edge that had not been there before. His nose seemed longer, his jaw, as well as his cheekbones, sharper. His ears that had always been a tad too big for his head stopped bothering him as much as the rest of him seemed to catch up.

He also started growing hair everywhere and learning how to shave had left him with dozens of tiny cuts until Izzy of all people finally saved him and taught him how to shave properly even though Alec felt that it should have been his father guiding him.

Then again, he never asked his parents for anything anymore.

But the most mortifying change had been his scent. While it had been very weak and plain since the day he presented, it now started to morph and bloom as he rapidly hurtled towards maturity.

At first, Alec himself didn´t really notice it, or the attention it brought him. He was known for not being the most graceful adolescent as he often forgot his own height, causing him to appear clumsy and disoriented at the best of times. This, in turn, drew attention in the form of tutting and sighing and “Alec, can you watch where you´re going?”

But now the stares seemed to linger, carrying in them less tired exasperation and more a dangerous glint that made Alec want to shift out of his skin. In some cases, all conversation seemed to cease as soon as he rounded the corner, multiple alphas eyeing him as if he were a butterfly pinned in behind glass just as the ones in Hodge´s collection. As if he was something to focus on, to study in detail, to see if he fit whatever ideas they had in their minds.

Alec even started to avoid the elevators because for some reason he always found himself sharing a ride with Mr Larkspear. He didn´t mind it at first until the man started to drift too close to him, his breath scratching against Alec´s neck, the proximity of the alpha a smothering shadow on his back.

And then Mr Larkspear had touched him, a hand that felt like an iron sliding to the small of his back. Lingering, stifling, squeezing the breath out of Alec´s lungs. Not knowing what to do, Alec had tolerated the unwelcome touch until he arrived at his floor and then politely excused himself.

He nervously checked and double-checked the lock on his door that night.

Alec never told anyone as he wasn´t even sure if it was something to be talked about, to begin with. He didn´t want to risk his siblings laughing at him or it being a non-issue and getting Mr Larkspear in trouble just because he was overreacting.

_Hysterical_.

Still, Alec couldn´t help but avoid the elevators from that day onward, the raspy voice of Mr Larkspear stating how good he smelled ringing in his ears and making his skin crawl.

* * *

“Alec?” Isabelle asked as she watched her brother shoot arrow after arrow into the target, his face frighteningly serene even after hearing the news, the orders given to them by their parents. “How are you not angry right now?”

“There´s no point,” Alec stated simply before letting another arrow loose, the satisfaction of it hitting the bullseye minuscule against the disappointment and helplessness he actually felt inside.

He was to marry before his 20th birthday, which was a mere six months away, or face becoming the hot piece of gossip amongst the housewives and even politicians of Idris and other institutes.

“ _ Undesirable, _ ” They would hiss to each other in secret, smirking that the honour of the Lightwood family would be knocked down another peg. “ _ Unwanted. Unmateable. _ ”

He had escaped his fate for too long already, hiding behind the closed doors of his small office and endless stacks of paperwork. Making sure to keep his nose down in order to not attract the attention of “eligible alphas” his mother kept pointing out for him.

But his fate had been sealed since he presented as an omega.

And his time has run out.

“We should talk to mom again,” Isabelle ranted on. “This is ridiculous. This...antiquated thinking! They can´t expect you to fall in love in six months!”

_ They don´t _ . Alec thought.  _ And I won´t. Ever. _

“No,” Alec sighed. “They are right. We need a good match to secure our family´s position within the Clave. It will be for our own good.”

“And what about you, brother? What good will it be for you? To be mated to some tightass alpha who will parade you around on their arm while you suffer out of what? Obligation? I know you want more than that, Alec!”

“It doesn´t matter what I want, Izzy!” The omega yelled as his bow clattered on the marble floor. “It will never matter!.”

“It´s unfair…” Isabelle said then, quietly, her eyes brimming with tears.

“It is what it is.” Alec offered and pulled his sister into a hug. “Please. If you want to make this any easier for me, Izzy, don´t fight it. Please don´t fight it. It´s not worth it.”

“Of course it´s worth it…”

“Please, Izzy, promise me.”

Isabelle pulled away from his hold, her dark eyes searching his face.

“Fine,” She said after a while, obviously not finding what she looked for. She harshly wiped away the tears that had escaped her eyes. “If that´s what you want.”

With that, she turned and stalked out of the training room, her heels furiously clicking on the floor.

The door slammed after her.

Alec just stood for a while, numb as he felt the weight on his curved shoulders. It wasn´t what he wanted. Every cell in his body rebelled against the idea of belonging to someone he didn´t love. Someone he didn´t even know. Jealous that the vows spoken by other couples could remain pure and holy while those spoken by him would become a rope around his neck.

He didn´t want to submit to an alpha just because he was told so, to birth them children just because it was expected of him.

He had no choice.

With a sigh, he picked up his bow, and, after brief consideration removed his gloves before nocking yet another arrow and pulling the string tight. It bit into the tender flesh of his fingers. 

Just how he wanted.


	2. From the sidelines to the centre

“Ah, Mr Lightwood,” Aldertree, the newly appointed Head of the Institute hummed as Alec stepped into the grand office that had just a few days ago belonged to his parents. The alpha didn´t raise his eyes from the paperwork before him and Alec resisted the urge to turn back and go hide in his room forever when he realised that Aldertree must have identified him just by his scent.

“What can I do for you?” The man finally asked after Alec had idly waited for him to finish the paperwork. He glanced at the omega, a sardonic smile on his lips before turning his attention to yet another file.

“I would like you to reconsider pulling me out of active fieldwork.” Alec could barely keep the ire from his voice. “I´m not ill or injured and my team has one of the highest numbers of successful missions. There is no reason to ban me from active duty.”

Aldertree sighed. The kind of drawn-out sigh that was meant to project just how much of an inconvenience Alec´s general existence was to him.

“Take a seat,” He said with a bored tone, gesturing to the set of leather armchairs facing his desk.

“I´m fine standing, thank you,” 

“Sit.”

Grinding his teeth from frustration, Alec sat down in one of the chairs. He knew what was coming. In a few moments, Aldertree would find an excuse to casually stand up and round the table to lean against it in a charade of a friendly chat between two colleagues. It would stay that way as long as Alec cooperated with whatever he meant to say. If Alec were to show defiance, however, he would push away from the table to loom over him, using the fabricated height difference and his scent as a device to make Alec feel small and insignificant. To intimidate him into agreeing.

Alec didn´t roll his eyes but just barely. He had been through this game with his parents more than he could count.

“I know that you are close to your heat and the emotions must be running high right now,” Aldertree started with a gentle, patronising tone. “But even you must see why this move is beneficial to both you as well as Jace and his team.”

“No,” Alec bit back. “I don´t.”

“It is better for Miss Fairchild to assimilate into the team as soon as possible before the inevitable happens. You are to be mated soon, correct? Or at least you should, given your age. Replacing you on short notice due to a pregnancy leave would be a great hindrance for the team.”

“What?” Alec asked in disbelief. “You are sidelining me because I _ might _ get pregnant? In that case, you should be pulling every female Shadowhunter from active duty!”

“It´s basic biology, Alec.” As predicted, Aldertree pushed away from the table to stand directly in front of Alec, forcing the omega to look up at him and bare his throat. “You know just as well as I do that the instincts of an omega are different from those of alphas and betas. You are driven to care, to nurture, and that will only grow once you have your own children. Omega´s cannot be separated from their children, very much unlike your alpha mother.”

“With all due respect, you should leave my mother out of this.”

“Very well. In that case, we should discuss the other issue in hand.”

“Which is?” Alec ground out, staring at the alpha defiantly. 

Aldertree sighed once again before picking up a tablet from the table.

“In the last 8 and a half years, since you presented, you have taken 173 personal days. It is understandable, of course, given your heat cycle…”

Alec frowned, feeling increasingly uncomfortable. Only the medics and Isabelle knew the details of his cycle. “That is personal information.”

Aldertree, of all things, laughed.

“I´m the Head of the Institute,” He reminded Alec. “As well as a medic. I´m entitled to all the information about the people working under me.”

Alec could only sit and stare, too taken aback by the situation. To know that all of his medical records were in Aldertree´s hands, that a stranger could read and use the most intimate details about his health as he pleased.

Alec felt sick. He felt violated.

“Compared to that,” Aldertree continued. “Jace Wayland had only taken 56 personal days and your sister Isabelle only 67. I trust you to see the liability your continued absence would be for the team.”

“It´s...It´s not like I can help it.”

“No,” Aldertree agreed. “But you can accept it. A lot of harm could befall the Clave if anyone were to capture you in your weakened state. You wouldn´t only risk your life, but the life of your siblings.”

Alec was quiet, fighting against the bile in his throat.

“Now I know that you are a smart guy, Alec. I know you had special tutoring until the age of eleven, one that exceeds most Shadowhunter training, and I also know that you regularly snuck books out of the library and went through the Clave files using your father´s credentials. I´m not going to punish you for that, I would never punish anyone for wanting to learn. Instead, I will let you keep your office and continue with the administrative tasks you had before. Full time.”

“And if I don´t?”

“You will be sent to Idris to stay with your parents until you are mated. From then on it's your alpha´s call.”

Alec nodded, feeling utterly drained and helpless. There was only one choice for him as he wanted to stay with his siblings for as long as he could.

“I will stay here,” He said tonelessly. “May I be excused?”

“Of course,” Aldertree allowed before taking a seat behind his desk and once again busying himself with the papers.

“Alec,” He said again, just as the omega was letting himself out. “You must understand that I´m not the bad person here. There is a natural order in our world, blessed by the angel Raziel. We all have to accept our place in it.”

“Right.”

Alec closed the door behind him and stalked towards his room to grab his bow before heading to the roof.

For all he cared, natural order could go fuck itself.

* * *

“Come on, Alec,” Jace whined, kicking his feet up on Alec´s desk as he slouched in the chair across from his brother in victorian-esque misery. “Stop being such an omega!”

“I´m not being anything except tired of your shit,” Alec ground out from behind clenched teeth. He pushed Jace´s feet off of his desk, tidying the stacks of paper he had messed up.

“You´re being all brooding and depressing again,” Jace argued. “Just come out with us. It´s only a simple patrol. seriously it has been ages since we did something together and it's not like we are going to rat you out to Aldertree.”

Alec sighed, keeping his eyes trained on his paperwork to not give Jace any hope. It HAD been ages since they did anything together except train or have breakfast as Alec had not been allowed to go on patrol since Aldertree took over.

“I have work tomorrow,” He tried but as always, Jace got what he wanted. One way or another.

“Alec!” he said seriously, straightening in his seat as he let a command seep into his voice. Without wanting to, Alec felt a pull in his core. A pull to listen and do as he was told. A pull to submit. “You will come out with us,” The alpha continued, staring Alec down, his chest puffing as he postured.

Alec stared back at him, trying with all his power to ignore the command. With his fingers curling into fists and teeth grinding together he ignored the pain that grew in his core as he refused. The pain that only grew worse with every passing moment.

It was only a small blessing that unfamiliar alphas were not allowed to use a command on an omega but Alec still felt a sting of betrayal every time his own family used it against him.

“Y-yes,” He finally grunted when he couldn´t take in any more.

Jace grinned gleefully.

“Great!” He said, “I´ll meet you, Izzy and Clary at the main doors at 9 PM sharp. The sensors detected strong demonic activity near the abandoned warehouses at Red Hook.”

Jace left, letting the door slam shut behind him and leaving Alec feeling hollow inside. He hated that due to his nature, he had no choice but to submit or suffer. 

It was unfair, but then again, the world always was.

* * *

“Alright then!” Jace declared, clapping his hands for attention as they finally reached the abandoned warehouse that had been marked for high demonic activity. “Me and Clary will go from right, Izzy from left, Alec is the distraction.”

Alec rolled his eyes but remained silent, not wanting to prompt Jace into using a command on him again. He was an archer, best used for lookout and protecting his team not prancing around in the middle of demonic activity and spreading his pheromones.

“Are you sure?” Izzy asked. As a fellow alpha, she usually had more sway in taming Jace´s overly massive ego. “I´d prefer for Alec to be up in the rafters, watching out for our weak spots…”

“And miss all the fun?” Jace threw an arm over Alec´s shoulder, a show of ownership rather than camaraderie. Alec stiffened but didn´t move away, the feelings the touch sparked in him still too confusing to understand fully. “Nah, Clary and I have plans later so I´d like to get this over with quickly. Alec will go in, the fuglies will come for him and we will send them back to hell. Easy.”

Alec shrugged away from Jace and headed for the warehouse all the while rubbing at his wrists to stimulate the scent glands there. He still felt oddly conflicted every time he had to witness Jace´s and Clary´s disgustingly sweet relationship that had sprung up in a disturbingly short time and seemingly out of nowhere. But then again, Clary herself had popped up out of nowhere, effortlessly taking Alec´s place in the team after only a few weeks of training.

It was easy for Alec to hate Clary and for a long time, he did. She didn´t understand anything about their world and refused to even entertain the idea of following the order of ranks in the Institute. She was mouthy and reckless and wholly incompetent with any kind of weapon.

And yet Alec had been replaced by her. Because she was a beta.

Their relationship had gotten better, however. Clary herself had sought Alec out and asked him to train her. To Alec´s begrudging surprise she was catching on quickly but only because she diligently showed up to every session and listened to what the omega said. Alec had also caught her working on her field reports late into the night and when asked about it, Clary had admitted that as the reports were first handled by Alec, she didn´t want him to be further inconvenienced by her ineptitude. In a moment of weakness, Alec had sat down with her and showed her the quickest yet most ideal way of filling out a field report. They had been flawless ever since.

He didn´t hate Clary any more as she was now willing to learn and the fact that she replaced Alec wasn´t exactly her fault, to begin with. But Alec still couldn´t let go of the bitterness he felt every time he watched them leave for a mission while he was being left behind. 

“Are you coming or not?” He asked the others who were still busy fumbling with their gear. 

“Ladies first,” Jace called, followed by an indignant “Ow!” as Isabelle elbowed him in the ribs.

Gritting his teeth, Alec slipped through the rusted doors that led into the warehouse, the smell of sulphur and decay making his nose to wrinkle in distaste. The room was dark, only illuminated by a few squares of moonlight coming through the broken windows. There was blood on the dirty floor, both old and new, that seemed to form intricate patterns that swirled in circles around the room.

Alec could feel the presence in the room before it spoke, the hair at the back of his neck standing up and his heart starting to beat faster as all his senses screamed “danger”.

“Well, well,” A male voice said, the sound wet and gurgling. “What do we have here? Aren´t you a little far from your nest, omega?”

“Abbadon,” Alec replied in a lieu of a greeting, loud enough for Izzy and Jace to hear and to hopefully keep away. He turned towards the voice and even though he had seen pictures of the Greater Demon in countless books, nothing could prepare him for the revolting reality that it really was.

The demon had over three feet on Alec, its form a mangled joke of a skeleton that, in some parts, was covered with bruised and putrid flesh. Its head was covered in horns, its hands tipped with sharp claws, resembling talons more than fingers and its eyes burning red in its otherwise slack face, the flesh too soft to hold any kind of expression.

“Or would you prefer Apollyon?” Alec asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking as he fought with himself to buy the others time to call for backup. “Exterminans, perhaps?”

“I see you´ve learned your letters,” The demon seemed to huff, lumbering closer to Alec and bringing with himself the suffocatingly sweet stench of rotting flesh. It grabbed Alec by his chin, forcing the boy to look up at him.

“The humans think you are weak, even your own kind does. I can feel the resentment festering in you, eating you from the inside. They think that beauty and servitude is all you have to give to them. And yet they do not know that your breed is the most clever there is, that you are the serpent under the rose.”

“I didn´t think I´d be getting a pep talk from a demon of all things,” Alec forced out.

“It is always fun to spark hope in my victims before I kill them,” Abbadon said, the flaccid flesh of his torn mouth twitching in what would have been a smirk. “It makes the pain sweeter. The warlock that summoned me was very keen on hearing all the nice things I had to say before I ate him whole. He was still smiling when his bones crunched under my teeth.”

Alec grimaced as the demon tightened the grip on his neck, leaving behind burning trails of ichor. He kept his gaze locked with the demon´s, palming the dagger sheathed on his hip. 

There was little chance of stabbing Abbadon in his core before the demon could snap his neck. He could only hope that his siblings had called for backup, that he could stall the demon until it arrived.

“I know you´re not alone, Blood of Raziel,” Abbadon hummed. “Your kin is waiting outside, I can hear their heartbeats, they are scared for you.” The grip it had on Alec tightened further. “I wonder if they care enough to come running for you when they hear you scream. Why have one Nephilim if you can have four.”

Nails were piercing the skin of Alec´s neck, digging deep into the muscle and tendons there.

“Scream for me, little angel,” Abbadon pressured. “Cry for help like the weakling you are.”

Alec was just about to open his mouth to force out a scathing retort when a circle of blue appeared around the demon´s neck, yanking it away from him. The omega fell on his knees in the dirt and blood, coughing as he tried to force air back into his lungs before stumbling back on his feet, his eyes still trained on the demon and the magic that was restraining it and then on a pair of golden eyes gleaming in the darkness. 

The golden eyes stared back, cautious and yet expectant, pushing for Alec to do something. In one second, Alec had the dagger in his hand and before the next it was buried deep in Abbadon´s chest, piercing his core.

“And to think that I liked you!” Abbadon accused before it crumpled, its bones cracking as it was forced back into the void.

There was a moment of deafening silence before a figure emerged from the shadows, bearing golden eyes. An alpha, Alec could tell now that Abbadon had fizzled out and taken its stench with it. A strong alpha at that.

Alec instantly recognised the stranger as a potential mate, his scent a powerful mix of spices and musk he found pleasing. It was warm and secure, even the lingering notes of anger that had been directed at the demon were agreeable with the omega. The man was almost as tall as Alec was, with wide shoulders that spoke of muscles hidden under the fancy, oddly shimmering suit jacket he wore. 

He was also breathtakingly beautiful. The alpha´s face was simultaneously boyish and mature, with a sharp jawline and soft lips, high cheekbones and keen eyes that were lined with black kohl. There were faint creases at the corners of his eyes that spoke of the alpha smiling a lot. 

“_ Mate! _” Alec´s hindbrain, the one that was driven purely by biological imperative, screamed at him. Still, Alec didn´t have the freedom to choose his mate and if he did, he wouldn´t do so just Fromon the basis of attraction and pheromones. 

“Thank you,” He offered instead when the silence between them dragged. It wasn´t uncomfortable but Alec felt an itch to say something, to make a connection.

“I believe you did most of the work,” The alpha replied easily, apparently not interested in taking all the glory. There was a smile on his lips and a glint in his eyes. His shoulders swayed slightly.

Preening, Alec thought.

“A fair team effort, I´m sure,” Alec said, a smile of his own tugging at his lips. He fidgeted where he stood and suddenly they were circling each other with leisurely steps, not unlike a dance.

“You must have been very sure of your abilities,” The warlock teased. “To come and face Abbadon alone.”

“My abilities are perfectly average for a Shadowhunter, I can assure you. I was meant to be a measly distraction for a pack of demons that just by chance turned out to be one of the princes of hell.”

“Why on earth would a pack of demons require distracting?” 

“It´s less of a hassle to herd them into one place instead of running after stray demons. My brother has a date tonight, it was supposed to be a quick job.” Alec said.

The alpha frowned for a moment before his expression smoothed out to the same pleasant smile he had worn before.

“I suppose it is fortunate,” He supplied. “That we met tonight, that is. Although I must admit I would have liked the situation to be less dire. I´m Magnus Bane.”

The High-Warlock of Brooklyn. That explains the power.

“Alec Lightwood,” He replied. “And I suppose it is.”

“And I´m Jace,” Jace said as he barged in, the rusted metal door creaking loudly at his wake. “What´s going on? Where´s Abbadon?” His eyes landed on Magnus and he instantly bristled, coming face-to-face with a stronger alpha. “Who are you?”

“Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn.” The warlock said, his tone decidedly more clipped than it had been with Alec. “Abbadon is back in the void where it belongs.”

“I´m Isabelle,” Izzy said, her eyes flashing from Magnus to Alec and back to Magnus. She smiled wickedly. “Delighted to meet you.”

Clary stood back awkwardly, twirling her blade and almost dropping it.

Alec sighed to himself.

“How did you kill Abbadon?” Jace demanded from Magnus, his chest puffing.

“Alexander did.” Magnus pointed at the omega as if to pass the blame.

“It was a team effort,” Alec shrugged. “Magnus restrained it with magic and I threw a dagger at it.”

“And it was that easy?”

Alec nodded. It hadn´t been easy at all. He would most likely be dead if it weren´t for Magnus and his throat still ached from where Abbadon had strangled him. The acidic taste of fear still coated his tongue.

Magnus and Jace both looked at him strangely. Alec looked at his boots.

“Well,” Izzy cheered, clapping his hands together enthusiastically. “Looks like we don´t need backup after all!”

There were rounds of thanks offered and brushed off along with the increasing amount of pretentious pheromones Jace released, obviously threatened by Magnus. Alec remained quiet during the exchanges, preferring to stand back and observe

“We need to go back,” Jace said then. “And cook up some explanation for all of this…”

“It was nice meeting you,” Magnus offered to Alec who could only smile in return before being pulled away by his siblings.

With a pang of sadness, Alec realised that he had no way to contact Magnus again. No way to explore the sudden liking he had taken to him. He sighed as he tried to shake the feeling off. It wasn´t as if he could act as he liked anyway.


	3. Mistakes, so many of them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had suddenly made the whole thing so much more real. At first, Alec was able to quietly accept the idea of mating a virtual stranger because it was not in the “now” but rather somewhere in the future. He had buried himself in paperwork and into herding his siblings and forced himself to view the mating with impassive rationality.
> 
> It was fine. It was necessary. It was his duty.
> 
> He´d had time to fool himself.

“I´m sorry, OK?” Jace sighed as Alec brushed past him without even a glance. “I didn´t mean to get you in trouble with Aldertree.”

The omega turned to face him then and Jace stepped back in an instant, overwhelmed by the anger and sorrow Alec´s scent was giving off and the pure fury reflected in his eyes. They hadn´t really been on speaking terms for days now ever since Aldertree found out about the mission Alec had accompanied them to but he didn´t expect the omega to be that angry.

“And what did you mean to do, hm? You knew that I was banned from active duty.”

“I just wanted to spend time with you,” Jace tried. “You are always too busy being on Aldertree´s beck and call.”

Alec growled then, a purely aggressive sound that Jace had never heard from him. He could feel all of the shadowhunters in the ops centre turn to stare at them and the overall mood shifting into a shocked surprise before a pointed glare from Alec sent them back to work.

“I´m not doing this here with you,” Alec hissed and turned to leave.

Jace stared at his back in confusion. Alec and he had always been close even though their friendship had started off rocky. He remembered Alec´s kindness even when Jace lashed out with harsh words, his patience when he soothed away Jace´s night terrors. He had been like a skittish animal, snarling at any show of affection in fear of it turning into torture as it always had with his father.

Alec had been the one who had slowly but surely tamed his fears. There was no one else Jace trusted as much as he trusted his brother. They were meant to become parabatai.

And then Alec had presented as an omega.

The Clave didn´t recognise a parabatai bond between an alpha and an omega. In some parts, Jace understood why. While Alec was a competent fighter with an excellent tactical mind, he did go into heat four times a year for up to three days. He would be drowsy and tired for days before and after his heat. A weakened state that the Clave said would have transferred through the parabatai bond and would have become a hindrance to Jace, a hindrance to the sacred duty of the Nephilim.

Jace regretted not having fought harder, not having tried enough but when the order from the Clave came through, Alec himself had begun to pull away from Jace, assuring him that to obey the Clave was in both of their interest. Jace, as young and naive as he had been, had believed that Alec hadn´t actually wanted to be his parabatai.

With a heavy heart, he had let the issue go and through the years Alec kept slipping farther away from him, becoming quiet and withdrawn and obsessed with all the Clave rules. Jace had been confused and hurt by the sudden coldness from his brother and for a long time, he had been desperate to fill the void the incomplete parabatai bond left in him.

He had started hanging out with other young alphas who were willing to talk about girls and sneak out to go to downworlder bars instead of slamming the door in his face. He chuckled at the jokes that were made about omegas and made plenty himself before the group´s interests shifted and Alec, who had begun to draw attention with his long legs and wide eyes, suddenly became a topic of discussion.

Still hurt from Alec brushing him off and desperate for validation from his new friends, he had, at first, agreed with some that were being said about Alec. He had chuckled when Greenlark stated that Alec was too stuck up, boring and bitchy, even when the laughter turned sour in his stomach. He had huffed and rolled his eyes when Alec had to miss patrols, groaning that he was having his time of the season even though Jace knew that Alec was prone to heat sickness and would spend the days in constant pain instead of whatever fantasy alphas tended to cook up.

His friendship with the alphas had come to a sudden stop when Spearpoint loudly announced that he would gladly be the one to bend Alec over and break him in like the bitch he was, whether he liked it or not. Within moments Jace´s vision had bled to red and he had flown into such a rage that it had taken three adult alphas to tear him off of Spearpoint before he had the chance to break every single bone in his body.

He had played nice with the alphas, but he was forever loyal to his brother. No one threatened Alec, not if they wanted to live.

Jace never told Alec what the incident had been about, saying instead that it was a common quarrel between alphas, heightened hormones and all but, as it was with Alec, the omega was much more perceptive as he let on. Alec had applied iratzes to both of his hands in order to heal his split knuckles and had surprised him by showing up to each and every one of his punishments, standing quietly by his side as he helped Jace clean the seemingly countless amount of weapons from demon ichor.

It had been tense and awkward but after a while, they had seemingly found common ground once again. 

Jace couldn´t have been happier to have his brother back. There were still fights and misunderstandings, as many good times as there were bad but Jace knew that underneath it all the steady constant of their brotherly bond could never allow them to be driven apart.

Right now, however, he wondered if the bond was breaking underneath one too many strains.

* * *

Alec looked at the glittering demon towers as he stood on the balcony of a guest room in his parent´s house in Alicante. He had gotten the order to join his parents for dinner a few days ago, and while he knew that it was just a way to rope him into meeting one of his suitors, Alec had still foolishly hoped that perhaps his parents actually wanted to spend time with him.

As predicted, that wasn´t the case and as soon as Alec had stepped into the house he had been sent off to shower and change his clothes before being introduced to Mr Farstrider, a young but respectable Consul with a charming smile and a miserably vapid mind.

While Alec didn´t recognize the man as a potential mate, he was, at first, quite taken by the alpha´s sun-kissed skin and blue eyes. They had shaken hands and offered each other tentative smiles before sitting down for dinner.

And then Mr Farstrider opened his mouth.

And never closed it.

Alec had barely gotten a word in as the alpha pointedly only conversed with his parents, never missing a chance to point out his family´s wealth and his status in the Clave as they discussed the politics in Idris. The omega had pushed his food around his plate for a while before excusing himself, claiming that he needed some fresh air and escaping the dining room, knowing that soon enough his scent would broadcast just how miserable he felt.

He breathed in the clean air, his hands grasping at the marble railing as he tried to calm himself, to get his scent back in check before he had to return to the table. He wished to be back in New York, back in the time where he didn´t know what a second gender was or how much being an omega would screw up his life.

Even facing Abbadon had been easier than facing the first of the alphas his parents had lined up for him. He quickly threw the thought out of his head. Thinking about Abbadon would lead to thinking about Magnus and Alec just couldn´t afford that right now.

“Alec?” His mother asked from behind him, apparently having followed Alec into his room. “Are you alright?”

And wasn´t that a loaded question.

“Does it matter?” He asked back listlessly before he could catch himself.

“Of course it matters,” Maryse insisted, coming to stand next to him. “You are my son. I can send for a medic if you need.”

Alec resisted the urge to laugh. He would do it later, in private, before ultimately succumbing to tears. He had cried a lot lately. Out of anger, out of frustration.

Another omega weakness.

“I´m fine,” He said instead. “Have you decided? Is he the one I´m going to mate?”

Maryse glanced at him. “You don´t like him.”

“Farstriders are a wealthy family.”

“We have no need for their money.”

Alec frowned. “He is also a rising star within the Clave. Self-proclaimed or not.”

“You don´t like him,” Maryse repeated firmly.

“I would like a mate who deigned to speak to me.”

There was a light touch on his forearm, one that made Alec tense in confusion. His mother and he hadn´t even stood in a touching distance for years now. Alec wanted to cringe away from the touch that was probably meant to be comforting but only seemed to fill him with anxiety and ire. 

His distress must have been evident in his scent as Maryse quickly removed her hand.

“You won´t be mating him,” She said in a tone that Alec distantly remembered from before he presented. “But you need to return to the table. There is no excuse for bad manners.”

“I´ll be down shortly, I just need another minute.”

“Alright.”

With that, Maryse left. Alec let out a breath he had been holding, the confusion in him growing. He had sensed from the moment he stepped into his parent´s house that something was amiss. There was tension in the air thick enough to cut with a knife. His parents barely spoke to each other and now his mother was acting oddly…

Alec wondered if he should care.

* * *

“You need to apologize to Alec,” Izzy huffed as she leaned into one of the pillars in the training room, wiping sweat from her brow.

“I did,” Jace said, twirling his bo staff. “He just brushed me off.”

“That´s understandable. You´ve been a dick lately.”

“I just wanted him to spend time with us…”

Izzy frowned, dropping down to sit on the floor while Jace kept fiddling with his staff. They had been training for hours now, both of them trying to work off some irritation.

“You don´t think he wants to?” Izzy asked. “Alec loathes being pulled from duty but Aldertree said that it is either that or Alec being sent to Idris to live with mom and dad until he is mated.”

“What?”

“Alec is going to be mated soon,” Izzy said. “Before his 20th birthday in September. Didn´t he tell you?”

Jace stared at his sister, dumbfounded. “No, I had no idea. When did he even have time to meet someone? Who? How long has this been going on?”

“It´s an arranged marriage, you dimwit. Mom and dad are going to give Alec to some Clave member in exchange for more power and allies within the system. It´s not romance, it´s politics.”

“That´s fucking sick,” Jace said weakly as he fell down on his ass, his insides churning. “We have to do something.”

Isabelle made a face. “We can´t really. I did some digging even though Alec asked me to not get involved. There is no one to turn to, the Clave is full of white male alphas with a singular self-important hivemind. They don´t care for omega matters and to try and appeal to one of them would take ages. And if Alec were to marry and divorce in a few years, he would lose whatever assets he brought into the marriage or obtained during it as the juridical system of the Clave is predominantly alpha-positive.”

“We can support him if it comes to that,” Jace said with conviction. “He´s our family, I would give him the food from my plate if I had to.”

“He would lose his children, Jace.”

“Oh.”

They sat in silence for a long moment, both trying to come up with any ideas to help their brother. Izzy was right, though. If Alec were to refuse the mating, their family would probably suffer a societal fallback and, while Jace and Izzy hardly cared about their standing within the Clave or what the old gossips of Idris had to say, Alec would be the one to suffer the repercussions from their parents. More than that, he would not be able to forgive himself if his siblings were to be pushed back in the food chain because of his actions.

There was no way Alec was going to reject the mating. There was no way for them to see that Alec was mated to a decent alpha or that he had a way out.

“There is really nothing we can do, huh?” Jace said dejectedly, picking at his shoelaces.

“No,” Izzy sniffed. “And you being an asshole isn´t helping either. He stayed here because he wants to make the best of the time he has with us but you…”

“I said I tried to apologize.”

“For what?” Izzy exploded then, getting back on her feet. “What did you apologize for, Jace?”

Jace frowned in confusion. “For dragging him out on a hunt with us?”

“What else?”

“I wasn´t aware that I had done anything else wrong,” He bristled. “Please, do enlighten me.”

“What about the way you tease him about being a girl, hm?” Izzy asked. “Or the way you gag every time he even mentions a heat? The way you bitch at him for slacking when he comes out of a heat delirious? You know what they do to him, Jace! You patronize him, forcing him to stay out of a fight because it's too dangerous, and then turn around and use him as a distraction. You barely even listen to him anymore!”

“Oh I´m sorry, I didn´t know I´m such a burden to him,” Jace hissed, also climbing to his feet as his arms crossed on his chest, the scent of anger and aggression coming from Izzy making his hackles rise. 

“This isn´t about YOU,” Izzy cried then. “I´ve tried time and time again to let you know how this is hurting him! He hates being an omega, you know that! You know how ashamed of himself he is and yet you poke and prod and make your stupid jokes like its nothing. You command him, Jace!”

“I…”

“It hurts him, did you know that? Do you know what a command does to an omega? How refusing it makes them throw up in pain?”

“No, I didn´t,” Jace said, swallowing thickly. He had no idea.

“You didn´t, because you never once cared to ask. Even mom doesn´t use a command on him.”

Isabelle sighed and rubbed at his temples tiredly, her scent having mellowed down to irritation and disappointment. He looked at Jace then, her eyes weary.

“It hurts Alec more that you don´t even understand that it´s wrong to call him names and make crude jokes at basic bodily functions that he can´t help. That you won´t even bother to see for yourself how shit it is because its normal. Because everyone does it.”

“I didn´t know, Izzy,” Jace pleaded. “He never told me…”  
  
“He did, but you didn´t listen. Moreover, it´s not his fucking job to teach you how to respect him. You are my brother and I love you but I can´t wait for you to grow up any more, Jace. You have to realize what´s wrong and fix it before its too late.”

* * *

Alec had lain on the hard mattress of his parent´s guest room in Idris for what felt like hours, tossing and turning and solemnly watching the overly bright streaks of moonlight make their way across the room as the time went by. He was feeling agitated for some reason as if he wanted to go and run, only stopping when he found a safe place for himself or, at least, some peace of mind.

He sighed as he turned once again, this time on his back, and stared up at the god-awful pretentious chandelier that hung above the bed. Alec figured that it had been meeting the alpha that had unsettled him so deeply. Or perhaps it was the fact that the alpha was the first of his suitors that he met. An unpleasant one at that.

It had suddenly made the whole thing so much more real. At first, Alec was able to quietly accept the idea of mating a virtual stranger because it was not in the “now” but rather somewhere in the future. He had buried himself in paperwork and into herding his siblings and forced himself to view the mating with impassive rationality.

It was fine. It was necessary. It was his duty.

He´d had time to fool himself.

Meeting Mr Farstrider had opened his eyes and allowed him to peek into his future. While his mother had been kind enough to politely reject the alpha, Alec knew that he shouldn´t expect it to be allowed again. He surely hadn´t been the richest of them or the one with the highest standing and, seeing how Mr Farstried acted, Alec dreaded meeting the other suitors.

He wondered what his life was going to be like once he was mated. He didn´t know yet if he´d be expected to work or stay at home. Would he dine with his mate? Would they have breakfast and discuss the news over coffee? Would he only be the official mate while his husband had other lovers?

Alec frowned. Would it even matter to him? He had always ached for a mate of his own, someone who loved him and cherished him as he loved them. But then again, this mating, in its base concept, was a transaction. He couldn´t expect his mate to love him as he was sure he wouldn´t love them. Would it matter, then, if they were unfaithful?

One of the things Alec knew for sure was that he would have children. He had never really thought about it in-depth, had never felt the “urge” to hold a baby and coo at them as Izzy did. Alec didn´t mind children overall and a vague idea of “a baby” had always floated somewhere in his ten-year plan but he didn´t really want to have one now as he had had other plans for so long. 

Nevertheless, procreation was one of the goals of his mating as the Clave always stressed on how the numbers of Shadowhunters were dwindling. More than that, Alec suspected that most of the alphas his parents had in store for him were more interested in what he could give them rather than Alec himself. Omegas were, after all, known to bear predominantly alpha children.

And, to have children, Alec would need to have sex with his mate. He had never had sex, partly because he had hoped that he would share his first time with someone he cared about and partly because he didn´t want to feed the rumour mills. Still, Alec had enough interest and knowledge in the topic where he knew that porn didn´t necessarily mirror real life and that if he ever chose to have sex, he needed to keep himself protected.

He also knew that there was good sex, bad sex and downright terrible sex. Alec wondered what his sex life was going to be like. He hoped it would be fine and he and his mate would be compatible as Alec was expected to not stray from his marriage. 

He hugged a pillow to his chest as he turned to stare out of the window.

What if it was bad, though. Alec would have to spend a life not knowing a loving touch, not experiencing the heat of desire he had read about so often. He didn´t want to be doomed to a lifetime of cold encounters without knowing what it could _be_ like. He didn´t want to keep yearning for something he didn´t know, to keep imagining without even a memory for him to call his own. 

Then again, it could be good between him and his mate and Alec might live to regret it if he were to throw himself at another alpha before being mated.

But he had no way of knowing.

The Clave, his mate, his parents even, would expect Alec to remain pure as he entered his marriage. Alec suddenly felt a surge of anger going through him. It was his body that was being sacrificed for his family´s wellbeing, it was him that had to enter a potentially loveless marriage to someone he didn´t know. He only wanted this one thing for himself. He only wanted to know what it is like to feel loved before throwing it away.

He had never rebelled, never once set a foot out of line if he wasn´t forced to do so. With a rush of satisfaction, Alec knew that he was going to do so now. He was going to lose his virginity and have sex on his own terms with someone he wanted to. He was going to own his body before he was expected to share it with someone.


	4. Rebellion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had gotten used to the loneliness, had grown out of needing his parent´s support faster than any child should have. The fact that his mother was now plastering on a caring facade was more than confusing him. It was making him cautious. It felt like a threat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mommy issues and dick appointment jitters, I´m sorry.

Alec could barely sit still while he and Maryse were having brunch with Marcus Rosewain in the garden. It was a beautiful day, the air was crisp still even though it promised to turn into sweltering heat later as it was in the middle of July. It was bright and sunny, the birds were chirping and the sweet scent of primroses filled the air.

Alec was having an absolutely miserable time.

Much unlike Mr Farstrider, who had been decidedly uninterested in Alec, Mr Rosewain treated the brunch like one would an interrogation, forcing information out of the omega while giving away nothing about himself. He expected to be called Sir or Alpha while referring to Alec as “boy” or “young man”.

Alpha Rosewain was as severe-looking as he was stern. He seemed to be older than Alec by multiple years, given by his receding hairline and the salt-and-pepper colouring of it. His eyebrows were thick and hawklike, set in a permanent frown and there were deep creases at the corners of his mouth.

He wasn´t a potential mate for Alec, not by a long shot as his scent was almost repulsive for the omega. Still, Alec plastered on a polite smile that was too tight and gripped his coffee cup so hard that his knuckles turned white from the pressure.

“This generation of yours has gone soft,” Rosewain ranted, his disturbingly pale eyes boring into Alec accusingly. “I bet you lot would be handicapped without all of your technology. And don´t get me started on everything else. Better food, better armour, better weapons! You always demand more and more from the Clave but never deliver the results.”

“These changes take time to show their benefits,_ sir_,” Alec sighed, wondering if he should even bother. “Better nutrition and protection while on field has only resulted in lesser casualties. This, in turn, will greatly improve the life expectancy of a Shadowhunter which will increase our numbers and therefore deliver the results the Clave is looking for. Even now, for example, the medics in the New York Institute have predicted that the budget they need for medical supplies next year will be significantly lower than it has ever been before. It will save the Institute, as well as the Clave, a great number of resources.”

Alec took a sip of his coffee, revelling in the acidic taste as he tried to tamp down the anger he felt.

“But the budget for the food…”

“I´m quite sure the money The New York Institute saves from needing to fit seven Shadowhunters a year with prosthetic limbs will cover the price of whole-grain bread,” Alec commented drily.

Maryse pointedly cleared her throat as she buttered her croissant. She looked up at Alec for a moment, clearly asking him to behave before diverting her attention to Rosewain.

“I heard that the Iron Sisters have made steps towards perfecting a new type of swords,” She said, trying to change the topic from Clave politics as it would obviously boil down to Alec´s feelings on them. “It is styled from the khopesh sword the ancient Egyptians…”

“How do you know so much about the internal affairs of the New York Institute?” Rosewain asked, rudely interrupting Maryse. “I thought you were only Aldertree´s secretary.”

If the Clave only knew that being Aldertree´s secretary basically meant doing half of the job the alpha was supposed to do as the man was more interested in persecuting innocent downworlders and chasing imaginary leads on their “misdeeds” than managing the budgets, salaries and rotations. It was Alec who did the paperwork that kept the Institute from crashing and burning while Aldertree got to sign off on it.

“I am,” Alec said, feeling the tension in the air mounting. 

“And he trusts you with that kind of information?”

“Yes.”

“Interesting,” Rosewain hummed, his lips set in a disapproving pout. It was a deeply unattractive look.

“How come?” Alec asked, ire seeping into his scent. He had tried to control it for so long but even he had his limits.

“Well, you´re just an omega, boy, and Raziel knows your kind aren´t the most trustworthy in these matters.”

Alec snarled, a sound so vicious he almost surprised himself. Being just an omega had cost him everything. It had cost him his future, his identity as a Shadowhunter and soon enough his family. He had been pushed to the side, forced to dance to the tune of Aldertree´s fiddle just so he could spend some valuable time with his siblings. Alec spent hours of overtime just so that the paperwork would be in order in time, had worked through the night more than he could count to make sure that the Institute´s bills were paid and that all of the teams had time off and adequate pay.

He had given his all to pick up Aldertree´s slack only to have it spat into his face. They could insult him because of his second gender, call him a bitch, a breeder, whatever they wanted, but no one could ever doubt Alec´s work ethic. He had worked hard to match the alphas that topped the leaderboards for strength, agility and endurance training. He had continued to study on his own after his education had been stripped to bare basics.

He had killed more demons than most of the alphas in the Institute. He had killed Abbadon and sent it back to hell. But it was Jace who was patted on the back for getting rid of Abbadon as no one in the Institute would have believed that a measly omega could achieve that.

Abaddon had been right after all. Alec was festering with resentment, the rage and disappointment bubbling inside him causing his ears to ring and breath catch in his throat.

“I think it´s time for you to leave,” He distantly heard Maryse say, her tone firm.

“Are you going to let him disrespect me like this?” Rosewain asked, his voice rising in indignation. “No omega should speak to an alpha like this! It´s absurd!”

“I´m not going to let you disrespect my son,” Maryse growled. “Leave.”

“Alec?” Maryse asked after what felt like hours, her hand squeezing Alec´s shoulder gently and momentarily dragging him out of his panic attack. He jerked out of the chair he had been sitting in and away from his mother.

Rosewain was gone. They were alone in the garden.

“What are you doing?” Alec demanded, blinking away the tears of frustration that had gathered in his eyes. “Why defend me? What are you playing at?”

“You´re my son…” Maryse started patiently, reaching out for Alec only for the omega to shy away from her touch once again.

“No,” Alec argued. “No. You haven´t been a mother to me for years. Why now? What do you want from me?”

His lungs ached and his vision blurred. Alec didn´t understand what was going on. The relationship between him and his mother had been strained at best ever since Alec dared to present as an omega and bring shame to their family. While it never spiralled into physical abuse and neglect as he was kept fed and clothed just as well as his siblings, he had been neglected emotionally.

From a young age, Alec had to bear the burden of fixing what he had “broken” as his parents tended to place a large part of misfortune that befell on the Lightwood name on his shoulders. He had been overlooked and dismissed in favour of Jace and paled next to Izzy who was their father´s favourite. 

Alec had gotten used to the loneliness, had grown out of needing his parent´s support faster than any child should have. The fact that his mother was now plastering on a caring facade was more than confusing him. It was making him cautious. It felt like a threat.

His mother´s love never came without a price. Alec had foolishly thought that if he went willingly and mated whomever his parents chose for him, maybe it would earn him some of that love. Maybe he would for once please them, if only by being useful for them.

Turns out even giving his life away wasn´t enough.

“What else do you want from me?” He growled, not unlike a wounded animal would, his chest heaving and his hands trembling. “What else?”

“Alec,” Maryse said seriously, taking a cautious step closer to him.

“Don´t touch me!”

“I won´t, I promise. You need to calm down.”

Alec almost snorted. No shit he needed to calm down but the fact that he was breaking down here, in front of his mother instead of in the privacy and security of his own room, set him even more on the edge.

“I want to go home,” He said quietly after he had calmed down enough to be able to put together a sensible thought and all the fight he had in him had left him.

Alec looked at her mother, who was kneeling on the grass a few feet away from him, one of her hands stretched towards him and a worried frown on her face. There were grass stains on her immaculately pressed designer dress.

Alec looked at her mother and he felt hollow.

“I want to go home,” He repeated, his voice cracking.

“What about the suitors?” Maryse asked as she got on her feet with Alec in tow.

“Just pick someone,” Alec said, already turning to go back inside and get his things from the guest room. “It doesn´t matter anyway.”

“I´m sorry, Alec,” His mother called after him just as Alec disappeared through the french doors.

Sorry didn´t quite cut it.

* * *

A few days after the garden incident Alec found himself in his bathroom, fresh out of the shower and staring at himself in the small cracked mirror that hung over his sink. It had taken him a long time to get over the panic attack that had left him feeling drowsy and apathetic to the world as he forced his body to go through the motions just to get his work done and tolerated Raj´ snide comments without really hearing them.

And what a curious creature Raj was. By some astronomical mistake, the alpha was one of Alec´s potential mates even though Alec himself had no interest in him. He had, as kindly as he possibly could, told Raj so after the man had asked him out, stating that he was too busy with work and couldn´t, at that moment, spare any time for a relationship.

Instead of being a grown man like his birth certificate should have indicated, Raj had taken the rejection as a personal insult and snapped that “Alec was a bitch anyway” and that “No one would ever want him”.

Alec frowned as he looked at his own face reflected back at him. He was sure that someone out there, in the vast and wild world, found him acceptable. He had gotten interested looks before, whether he wanted them or not, and as an omega he was biologically designed to attract alphas, which was one of the reasons the Clave didn´t look kindly at omegas intruding into the alpha-dominated jobs. 

Magnus had found him interesting, or at least Alec thought so. It was a pity that Alec had no way to contact the alpha. He could look up his number or his address from the database and then what? Call him and politely ask him for a one night stand?

It was too desperate. Even Alec, who was decidedly inexperienced in lust and letting go, knew that.

And what if Magnus was already taken? He was a strong alpha, a handsome alpha. Alec was sure that he must have other omegas and betas lined up to date him. Perhaps even other alphas? Magnus didn´t seem like the type to deny himself anything just because it wasn´t the widely accepted way of doing things.

He could deny Alec, though, and wouldn´t that be mortifying. Raj had shown him that the biological imperative didn´t always matter when it became to potential mates. Magnus might have been just humouring him in that decrepit warehouse. It wasn´t easy to master one´s mind enough to master their scent but Magnus was old and powerful, after all.

It wasn´t of importance anyway. Alec probably won´t be meeting Magnus again, especially as he was banned from fieldwork. At best, he would be preparing a cheque to be signed by Aldertree to Magnus for his services and suppressing the shiver that went down his spine as he remembered the warlock´s eyes and the tone of his voice.

Alec pushed away from the sink and headed to his bedroom, throwing open the closet doors and eyeing the insides with a small grimace. It was a Saturday which meant that tomorrow would be Alec´s one day off. It was the perfect timing to head out and get what he wanted.

Maybe. If he didn´t chicken out before.

Alec hadn´t been to a club since he was eighteen and even then he had been heavily glamoured and wearing scent blockers in order to finish the mission and get back to the Institute as soon as possible. He hadn´t liked the experience then, the flashing light seeming too bright and the thumping music beating in his ears like a second pulse. It had been dark and sweaty and filled with people dancing, grinding and kissing against every possible surface, their minds muddled with alcohol.

He had found the display of freedom and abandon so frightening that he had instantly labelled it as bad and troublesome. Now, Alec knew that he hadn´t been frightened, not really. He had been jealous of the hundreds of strangers that could dance and love as they wanted while Alec had to return to his cold room in the Institute as soon as the mission was dealt with in fear of someone spotting him and reporting his shameful behaviour to his parents.

Jace and Izzy had stayed behind to dance, of course. It wasn´t considered improper of them.

Alec was going to go to a club now, one called Pandemonium, and he was planning to at least try and taste some of that freedom. To have it for himself.

If only he could find something to wear.

His wardrobe didn´t look drab per se, he had quite many nice articles of clothing that he took care of and that suited him well. They were, however, modest and dark-toned, picked out with the specific purpose of helping Alec to fade into the background and not catch any attention. And this, in turn, wouldn´t be helping with Alec´s plans for the night.

His eyes caught on a dark blue button-up that he had picked up with the encouragement from Izzy the last time he accompanied her to one of her shopping sprees. The shirt was simple and understated, much like he himself was, but it was well-made and fit him perfectly.

Alec pulled the shirt out of his closet along with a pair of black jeans and threw them on his bed before stopping on his tracks.

Should he shave? Or do anything else? He wasn´t sure of the protocol of being sexually active but he knew that many alphas had specific likes when it came to omegas and Alec was as far off from a conventionally attractive omega as he could be. He was tall, muscular and hairy. Everywhere.

Would it even matter, really? Alec liked to take care of himself so he gave himself a trim regularly but he was by no means  _ bare _ . Would an alpha actually call it off when he discovered that Alec had hair in places where nature intended or was it just a point of gossip between alphas? When had it even become a  _ thing  _ to be worried about?

In the end, Alec decided not to stress about it. It was late as it was and he had no more time to waste on shaving and fretting as he predicted that he would probably not go through with his plans after all. And if he did and the alpha had a problem with his body, he wouldn´t want to sleep with him anyway.

He dressed quickly in one of his better pairs of underwear and the clothes he had picked out, rolling up the sleeves of his button-up because Izzy had once said that it looked sexy and tying the laces of his booths with shaking fingers. After a moment of intense internal battle, he unbuttoned three of the top buttons only to fasten two of them again before shrugging on his leather jacket and re-checking the locking runes.

Alec took a moment to breathe and think and brush his teeth again and pat his pockets for the condoms he had bought earlier in the day before flicking the lights off and jumping out of his window, effortlessly landing on his feet. With his resolve strengthening, he set towards Brooklyn.

The night could go this way or that, he might have sex or decide not to, as tonight it was his choice to do as he pleased. He felt nervous and a little bit scared but he was also excited, ready. He had been for a while now.

  
Come morning, Alec hoped he might have gotten something that  _ he  _ wanted.


	5. Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus was also smart and courteous and funny. He was easy to talk to and he actually seemed to care about what Alec had to say, not to mention that the alpha had a quick wit and a smart sense of humour that had the omega burst into many undoubtedly awkward fits of laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hi, last time I lied and I´m sorry. I just got very caught in school stuff and birthday stuff and then work and christmas stuff and it was a mess, honestly.
> 
> Also, not gonna lie, I struggled a lot with the idea of writing smut. I feel like I want to try it but it feels very awkward. Perhaps I will venture into smut next chapter. I´m feeling optimistic.

Alec had been in the club for a whole 20 minutes by now, with at least 15 of them spent in the omega bathroom. He was sitting on the closed lid of one of the toilets, his head resting against the surprisingly clean wall of the toilet stall, squinting up at the gratingly blue light above him.

He could hear the music even from where he was sat. It was some kind of a techno song, similar to the ones Izzy usually listened to when she was having a good day at the lab, the bass of it thumping in Alec´s throat.

Or maybe it was the panic.

He had been fine before he stepped into the club. He had left the Institute with clear determination, almost giddy with excitement. The metro ride had been alright, even though his leg had kept jumping through the ride, fueled by what he had thought to be adrenaline but now knew to be nerves.

And then he had stepped into Pandemonium.

It had been overwhelming. The loud music and the flashing lights in every colour imaginable. The glitter that was raining from the high ceiling and the miasma of scents that suddenly suffocated him, clogging his throat and causing his eyes to water slightly.

It was much more than what he remembered from his first visit to a club. He had still been a kid then, his nose not having fully developed for identifying pheromones as it had now in order to locate a fitting mate. It had only itched slightly back then, the scents dull and muted, his body not ready for mating, not asking for it.

And then, through the physical shock to his senses, reality hit.

Angel help him, what was he  _ doing _ ? He should be back in the Institute, in his room, reading through the extra work Aldertree had left him for his days off. He shouldn´t be here, in a sleazy club, skirting his duties and looking for a fuck.

Like a  _ whore _ .

Alec´s head knocked against the stall wall as he rolled the tension out of his shoulders. Breathing in, breathing out, he tried to work through the mess in his head, the confusing feelings of indignation and shame. One one hand he was an adult, capable of making his own decisions about his body and the way he used it. The decision to go for it had made him feel empowered at first, prideful over finally being ready to take what he wanted.

On the other hand, wasn´t he just playing into the stereotype of an omega? Acting on his emotions, unable to control his base urges, in need of an alpha…. Or even worse, the things that alphas liked to blame omegas for when they weren´t too busy enjoying them. Things like being easy, insatiable, gagging for it.

Alec had never been like one of  _ those  _ omegas. He had never wanted to be. Until now.

Would he be a slut for having a one night stand? For some people, certainly. Would anyone even know about it? Not unless he told anyone, which he wouldn´t.

Why did he even care so much about any of it?

_ Internalized sexism _ , a voice in his head, sounding disturbingly a lot like Izzy´s, said.

Alec sighed and left the stall, heading over to the sinks to wash his hands and stare at his reflection in the ornate mirror. He had been so happy for finally deciding to go after what he thought he wanted. Shivery with anticipation as he touched himself to the idea of it, to the excitement of finally having an alpha. One that  _ he  _ chose.

_ A girl can get what a girl wants! _ Izzy had once told him with such conviction in her dark eyes that Alec had no doubt she could actually have anything she wanted in the world if she just deigned to reach for it.

Perhaps a lonely male omega forced into a political marriage could also get what he wanted. Just this once. If he didn´t ruin it for himself.

At the end of the day, it was his decision whether or not he was going to have sex. Well, his and his partner´s as no is a no, no matter whom it came from. He could as well go out there, have a drink or two and see if there was anyone to spark his interest. If nothing ever came from this evening, perhaps he would go home feeling relieved or disappointed and maybe that would also be the case if something did happen but he would never know unless he tried. 

It was still better than sitting alone in a frighteningly nice bathroom.

* * *

Alec wasn´t a stranger to alcohol. The first time he had been allowed to drink wine at the table had been on his 16th birthday that had fallen right on the dinner his father had planned to host for an important Clave member or two. It had been more of an accident than permission, to be fair, as one of the waitresses had filled is glass and Alec had opportunistically downed it.

It wasn´t as if his parents had cared enough to notice.

Soon enough Alec had been three glasses in and the dinner had somehow become more palatable. He remembered pushing his food around his plate as he waited for another refill and Izzy kicking his leg under the table when he snorted tad too loudly at whatever his father had been saying.

Alec was familiar with fine wine, champagne that cost as much as a mundane sports car per bottle and the 72-year-old malt scotch whiskey he sometimes sneaked from Aldertree´s office when he was really tired of his shit. He was used to the type of alcohol that people drank to show others that they were better than them, which is why he found himself very much lost as he stared at the endless array of colourful bottles and a list of drinks that included _Blushing_ _Geisha_´s and _Corpse_ _Reviver_´s for only a few bucks.

He was just about to give up on the idea of ordering anything at all, only narrowly dodging the elbows of other customers vying for the attention of the barmen when the burning scent of an alpha surrounded him just as a hand curled around his bicep.

“Trouble deciding, Shadowhunter?”

Alec could have recognized that scent and that voice from anywhere. They both had haunted his dreams and possibly even every waking moment since he met the mysterious warlock.

_ Magnus _ .

He turned to face the man and the club seemed to go quiet, all of his senses narrowing to take in everything about the alpha he could. Alec had seen Magnus in the low light of an abandoned warehouse, had been left breathless by him then and there, but nothing compared to the vision before him now. 

Magnus´ eyes, lined with black and gold, were large and dark in his handsome face, his cheekbones sharp and dusted with a slight glimmer that was also present on the juts of collarbones visible through the scandalously open collar of his black silk shirt. A collar of gold was around his long neck and many chains rested on his tan chest.

Alec´s mouth went dry.

He  _ wanted _ .

“Perhaps,” He said to Magnus with a type of courage he had never possessed before. “There´s a lot I want to try.”

The corner of Magnus´ lips quirked up in a smirk. “Come, dove,” He said as he turned to leave the bar, his grip on Alec´s arm tightening, beckoning him along. “I have a private booth, we can talk there.”

_ Oh _ .  _ Talk _ . So this was about downworld business after all. Alec tried his best to not let his disappointment show in his scent. Nevertheless, he followed Magnus as the man weaved through the dancefloor as if he himself were dancing and not herding a stumbling Shadowhunter after him.

They quickly made their way to an elevated booth against the far wall of the club. It didn´t seem as private to Alec as Magnus had insinuated, with half a dozen or so people lounging on the plush leather seats. A quick wave of the warlock´s hand set them scattering, however, and soon Alec was ascending the steps to the booth as he would a throne.

Alec sat on one of the now-empty couches, next to Magnus who had stretched himself out in a graceful sprawl, his body angled towards the omega and one of his long legs crossing the other.

He was wearing leather pants, ones that seemed to be almost painted on his skin. Alec promptly blushed and looked over the dancing people, doing his best to ignore the heat and scent radiating from the alpha next to him.

Lest he does something stupid like touch his pinky to Magnus´ or climb in his lap and kiss him senseless.

“You had business to discuss?” Alec asked.

“Business? Gods, no. It´s a Saturday night after all and I am very much invested in ignoring all the things that go bump in the night and therefore require me to do business with Shadowhunters.”

“Why did you want to talk to me, then?”

Alec looked at Magnus, whose face for a moment seemed very serious and guarded as if he hadn´t prepared himself to face the omega. The warlock looked away from Alec, his jaw tightening and brows furrowing for a second before relaxing as he came to some sort of resolution.

“I wanted to talk to  _ you _ ,” Magnus said seriously. “Not as a Shadowhunter, or even a member of the downworld, but as a person of your own.” His tone brightened then, a smile appearing on his face. “Drinks?”

“Uh, sure,” Alec agreed and with a snap of Magnus´ fingers, a delicate martini glass appeared in his hand, filled with a sparkling blue drink that had a steady flame over it.

“You wanted to try everything,” Magnus said before Alec could voice the question on his face, hiding a grin behind his own glass. “Let´s start with this.”

* * *

It wasn´t until they spilled out of the portal and into Magnus´ frighteningly luxurious loft that the alpha grabbed Alec by the waist, gently crowded him against one of the pillars and finally,  _ finally _ , kissed him. They both had been playing with the idea for a while now, Alec wasn´t as naive that he couldn´t see the way Magnus seemed to inch towards him as they were talking, or that he kept finding reasons to casually touch Alec and make it linger.

Alec also knew that he was acting, or more like reacting to Magnus´ presence, much the same way. He seemed hyperaware of the alpha´s every move, every minute change in his body and scent, instinctively hunting for a sign that he was wanted and desired by Magnus just as much as he wanted the warlock.

Alec only hoped that he didn´t embarrass himself. He tried to have some control over his scent, not wanting it to become sickly sweet and overly obvious. His body, however, had other ideas as Alec found himself more and more attracted to Magnus. It wasn´t just that the alpha was insanely good looking and that his scent was pushing each and every one of Alec´s buttons. They were potential mates, after all, designed by nature to be biologically compatible.

Magnus was also smart and courteous and funny. He was easy to talk to and he actually seemed to care about what Alec had to say, not to mention that the alpha had a quick wit and a smart sense of humour that had the omega burst into many undoubtedly awkward fits of laughter.

There were no reprimanding looks, however, no disapproving huffs and hisses to “act like a proper omega”. Magnus either looked at him with a pleased smirk, seemingly happy to have made Alec happy or joined in on the laughter, bursting into adorable giggles that were much too endearing when coming from such a respectable alpha.

They talked about everything and nothing and in the span of three hours that had felt like three minutes, Alec had gone and gotten infatuated with a man he could never have. Not really. And now, with his back pressed against a brick pillar and Magnus´ soft lips against his own, he knew how difficult it would be to give it all up.

Magnus´hand, sliding up his chest to caress Alec´s jaw brought him back to reality. He figured that kissing must have felt good, that it was a convenient and pleasurable way to share each other´s scent and to strengthen the bond between lovers, but he never expected it to feel like  _ this _ .

It was completely different from what Izzy had said her first kiss was like, being far from the “ _ slap across the mouth with a wet rag _ ” she had experienced. Magnus obviously knew how to kiss. He started slowly, just a touch of lips that had Alec´s heart pounding in his throat. It was a gentle exploration, a slight touch to confirm they were both on board with what was going on before it deepened with intent, forcing the omega to lean further into the pillar and tilt his head back, exposing his neck. 

Within seconds, Magnus´ other hand was caressing his neck, his slender fingers slipping behind his ear to press against the thin skin that covered the scent glands there. Alec´s knees buckled, an embarrassing sound, not unlike a whine, escaping him as he scrabbled at the hold he had been having on Magnus´ arms just to keep himself upright.

“Are you alright?” The alpha asked, catching Alec before he could make a complete fool of himself and end up being a pile of limbs on the floor just from a simple kiss.

“Yes,” Alec said hurriedly. “Fine. Perfect.”

A smirk on Magnus´ lips and a teasing glint in his eyes proved that the alpha knew exactly  _ how  _ affected Alec really was.

“I´ve been a terrible host,” Magnus hummed playfully as he let go of Alec to move over to the drink cart. “Would you like a drink?”

Alec stopped for a moment. Did he? Or would it be one too many? He´d shared several drinks with Magnus at Pandemonium, at least one of every colour he knew, but he didn´t feel drunk or out of control. Tipsy, perhaps, but not drunk enough to not being able to consent to his actions.

“Sure,” He said with an overly casual shrug. “Not too strong, though.” He wanted to remember  _ everything  _ about tonight.

Magnus handed him a drink that seemed more ice than liquid, before gently herding him towards the large leather couch, the hand he had on Alec´s lower back feeling like a hot brand. They sat down, and Alec fought the urge to curl himself next to the alpha´s side. It was much too soon and much too intimate for even what Alec hoped would happen next.

They drank in relative silence, exchanging only some words here and there. Alec appreciated it, as even the silence between them was filled with tension so palpable he could feel it surrounding him like a blanket. Magnus´ scent was mesmerizing to him his pheromones coating Alec´s tongue with every breath he took, causing his resolve to strengthen and yet, everything else in his body to yield.

They looked at each other over the rims of their glasses, and then looked away. A game of offering and caving played only by their eyes. Alec´s thighs rubbed together as he shifted to put his glass on the table, a shiver going through him as his sensitive skin chafed against the coarse material of his jeans. His body felt like a live wire, an open nerve ready to feel.

He gently plucked the delicate champagne glass out of Magnus´ hand, the arched eyebrow and dark look in the alpha´s eyes seeming like a dare, and placed it on a table next to his own before, with the courage he had gathered from angel knows where, throwing his thigh over both of Magnus´ and sinking into his lap.

“Is this OK with you?” He asked as he leaned forward, one of his hands landing on the back of the couch, hot against the cool the leather, and the other caressing the back of Magnus´ head, his nails lightly scratching at the short hairs there. He felt powerful like this, perching over a willing alpha who was looking up at him with desire in his eyes. His own boldness had unlocked something in him, a primal kind of sensuality that made him feel exciting and dangerous.

“Yes,” Magnus breathed as a reply, his hands flitting over Alec´s waist and hips and thighs as if he didn´t know where to touch first now that he could. The air between them was hot and thick with pheromones, the mingling scent of them enough to be intoxicating. Alec closed his eyes and opened his lips, eager to taste the alpha´s want for him. Fleetingly, the tip of Magnus´ nose touched his cheek, causing Alec to jerk slightly in his lap from surprise and the alpha´s scent to deepen even further before they were kissing once again, and somehow it was even more than before.

He surrendered to the kiss and to the way Magnus was pulling him further into his embrace. Alec´s hands had slipped to rest on Magnus´ chest, lightly kneading the taut muscle he found there just as his back shifted into a serpentine curve when the alpha´s fingers gently trailed down his spine. A slight nip to his lower lip, a gasp, and suddenly Magnus´ tongue was caressing his own.

Alec pulled back sharply, the rush of feelings intense enough to make him want to shift out of his skin. It was too much, too good, frighteningly so, and he just needed a moment, a second to collect himself so he could let go again. He looked at Magnus, who was watching him with dark, glassy eyes, before touching his fingers to the alpha´s reddened lips.

His heart missed a beat when Magnus pressed a tiny kiss to the tips of them.

“Have you done this before?” The alpha asked, his voice raspy with arousal.

“No,” Alec admitted quietly. He had thought about lying, even if not to look stupid and naive in front of whomever he had sex with or worse, scaring them away with his inexperience but for some reason, he couldn´t bring himself to be anything less than honest with Magnus. If the alpha accepted him as he was, he would trust Magnus with his body, and Magnus would trust Alec with his, and it felt like there was no room for lying there. “But I would like to. Is that a problem?”

“I don´t want you to regret it,” Magnus said seriously. “But I am willing if you are. It´s your call.”

And it was. It was Alec´s virginity. To give or to keep. It was his choice to share his body and his pleasure and his blood was  _ singing  _ for it. For Magnus. With a smile, he bent over Magnus, his fingers framing the high arch of the alpha´s cheekbones as he caressed his face. 

“Take me to bed,” He whispered against Magnus´ lips. “Take me now.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No,” Alec said quietly, resting his back against his door after having locked it. He was tired to his bones and all he wanted to do was take a shower and crawl into his nest and perhaps trace his fingertips over the places on his skin that Magnus´ lips had touched. 
> 
> But now he had to dismantle his nest just to build it up again in a way that didn´t absolutely sicken him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mess of a thing.  
YeEt.

fWhen Alec finally reached the Institute, after having taken a longer than strictly necessary path to get rid of Magnus´ scent on his skin and even jumping into a few still-open bars to muddle it further, he was met with the person he least expected to be waiting for him on the steps leading to the grand entrance.

“Here you are,” Jace breathed anxiously as he stepped out of the shadows, allowing Alec to see him clearly. “I was just about to call you.”

“What?” Alec asked as he registered all the cuts and scrapes that littered his brother’s skin, his clothes dirty and torn. “What happened? Are you alright?”

“I´m fine but you aren´t,” Jace said as he grabbed Alec by the elbow and pulled him into the small alcove next to the doors. “Me and Iz, we were on a hunt and saw you at the club with Magnus, was it?” With a nod from Alec, he continued. “So we like watched you for a bit to make sure you were OK but you seemed happy enough so we decided to leave you be and trailed the demon out of the club. Eidolons, you know, gotta keep an eye on them. The hunt took longer than planned and we just got home like what, half an hour ago? And just as I was about to make myself a cup of coffee, Izzy texted me saying that Aldertree was in your room looking for you.”

“What? It´s the middle of the night! What would he need me for?”

Stunned, Alec didn´t know what to think. His nest was in his room and to have an alpha he wasn´t mated or related to invading the place that was supposed to be his safe haven was  _ sickening _ . An omega´s nest was sacred to them. It was the only singular thing they had that they could control and had been protected by law well before the Command Law and Equal Rights Amendment Of Second Genders were ratified shortly before Alec was born.

While the Equal Rights Amendment was still regularly fought against and scoffed at, the Nesting Law was ancient enough to be widely respected by most alphas. An omega in their nest was untouchable barring the situations where the omega´s health was in danger or they had committed a crime serious enough to be pulled by the nest by law enforcement.

“Right?” Jace agreed, as bewildered as Alec was. “Izzy overheard him saying something about the east wing holding cells which is weird because we only have them at the west wing basement and some program he needed you to activate in the Institute software. He said that he had problems accessing it. Come here!”

Alec froze when Jace pulled him into a strong hug, his eyes wide and hands stuck in the air behind his brother´s back. 

“Hug me back, you moron,” The alpha huffed. “We need to share scent so we have an alibi for you.”

“What alibi?”

“I sneaked out before anyone noticed me in the Institute. Izzy was caught by Aldertree and told him that we had all gone on the hunt and she left us to do the clean-up. We figured you would rather not tell Aldertree where you  _ actually  _ were.”

Jace rubbed his wrists together, warming up his scent glands before rubbing his hands all over Alec´s neck and hair. “It´s disgusting,” He continued with a snarl. “Trespassing an omega´s nest. I could hear Iz shouting all the way down here.”

Alec could only weakly nod. He was scared. Scared and absolutely livid. The Institute had been his home ever since he could remember. It was the place where he felt safe and protected. And now, Aldertree has ripped that feeling of safety from him.

“Enough,” He snapped at Jace who pulled back without taking offence. “Come on.”

Alec´s hands shook from rage as they entered the Institute and climbed the stairs that would lead to his room. The moment they stepped into the right hallway it filled with the scent of Alec´s anger, deep enough to draw Izzy out of his room.

“Here you are, Alec,” She said. “Finally!”

Alec stomped over to his room, Jace sure on his tracks and pushed past his sister, the door slamming against the wall with a bang. With a small smile, Aldertree turned to look at him, standing just inches from where Alec´s designated nesting area started. Raj was with him in Alec´s room, leaning uncomfortably against the wall closest to the door with a disturbed look on his face.

“Mr Lightwood,” Aldertree greeted with an air of superiority. “How nice of you to join us!”

“How  _ dare  _ you?!” Alec demanded, his voice reduced to a vicious snarl. He pushed further into his room, into his nest, before Jace´s grip on his elbow stopped him. 

“I suggest you lower your tone with me, Alec. I´m still your superior.”

“And I suggest you get the fuck out of my nest,” Alec hissed back. “You have no right to be here!”

With a great put-upon sigh, Aldertree took a step away from Alec´s nest. He raised his brows and smiled magnanimously as if he´d done the omega a great service. “Funny, isn’t it?” He asked. “That you also had no right to go on a mission with your siblings, not after I specifically prohibited it. You do remember the terms of our agreement, don´t you? Your service and obedience in exchange to being allowed to remain in this Institute until you are mated.”

“It´s my fault,” Jace interrupted. “I commanded him as a familial alpha. Alec had no choice but to come with us.”

“Oh but he did,” Aldertree argued. “He could have, and should have, acted according to our agreement.”

“Even if it caused him pain?” Isabelle asked, aghast.

“Even then.”

Aldertree stared at Alec, his face a picture of authority. There was something in his scent, however, something that called to Alec like blood in the water.

_ Fear _ .

He hadn´t expected to be caught trespassing Alec´s nest by his siblings and, it seemed like he hadn´t expected Alec´s outburst nor his second in command, Raj, to smell quite as discomforted as he did. Blinded by his arrogance, Aldertree had managed to play himself into a corner by breaking the Nesting Law and by having witnesses, two of whom were loyal to Alec.

Aldertree was afraid because he knew very well that he had given Alec something to hold against him and that the omega had every right to file a complaint against him to the Clave. If he played his cards right, Alec had enough to exploit so he could push back against Aldertree´s demands and 

“You´re right,” He said, schooling his face as well as his scent to show his regret as he tilted his head to the side slightly, making a show of submitting to Aldertree. “I should have resisted the command, I´m sorry.”

For a moment, Aldertree eyed him suspiciously before his face cleared. Alec was sure that the alpha would disregard his outburst as just another show of “omega hysterics”. He wanted Aldertree to think he was sorry, he wanted him to see him as a weak omega, as the farthest thing from a threat as possible.

“I don´t want to be angry, Alec,” Aldertree said kindly, his face seeming almost friendly as he smiled sadly. He rested his hand on Alec´s shoulder, his thick domineering scent itching in the omega´s nose. “I just expected more from you. I really needed your help tonight.”

“I know,” Alec looked at the alpha, his eyes wide and his lips parted slightly, playing the part of a vulnerable omega. “I´m sorry.”

“Good. We should let you rest. Me and Mr Herondale have some matters to discuss as it is.”

With that, Aldertree turned to leave, followed by Raj and Jace. Only Izzy remained, sending him a quizzical look before sitting down on the edge of his desk, her feet swaying aimlessly and a tired look on her face.

“You could have had him for trespassing your nest,” Izzy said. “Are you going to report this to the Clave?”

“No,” Alec said quietly, resting his back against his door after having locked it. He was tired to his bones and all he wanted to do was take a shower and crawl into his nest and perhaps trace his fingertips over the places on his skin that Magnus´ lips had touched. 

But now he had to dismantle his nest just to build it up again in a way that didn´t absolutely sicken him. 

“Why?” Izzy asked. “Why aren´t you angry at this?”

Oh, he was. Alec was seething with rage, his skin crawling with anger. But now was not the time for Alec to let his emotions rule him. If he were to report this to the Clave, the worst that could happen to Aldertree was that he would be sent back to Idris and another would-be asshole of an alpha.

No, Alec didn´t want Aldertree to be replaced. He wanted to hold his ground and watch him tarnish his reputation. He wanted his subordinates to lose all respect they have for him, to turn on him and instead to turn to Alec.

He looked at Izzy and couldn´t help but smile as he saw his sister´s lips curve up in the same manner as she understood Alec´s motives.

Alec didn´t want Aldertree gone. He wanted to replace him.

* * *

Magnus wasn´t much surprised when he woke to an empty bed the next morning. A cursory glance to the floor showed that it was littered only with the items Magnus knew could be found in his wardrobe and a slight push of his magic confirmed that he was, indeed, alone in his apartment.

He decided not to dwell on the fact that Alexander had sneaked away during the night. It would´ve been nice to see him in the morning, Magnus figured, maybe they could have had a replay of some that went on during the night. Or, perhaps he could have shown Alexander something new before treating him to a lavish breakfast and sending him on his way only after charming a number and a promise to meet again out of him.

Potential mates or not, however, Magnus wasn´t his alpha and Alexander didn´t owe him a thing. Just because they had slept together once didn´t mean that he was welcome to touch the omega again. They had fallen to bed with no expectations and promises, just a mutual agreement to spend the night together.

And oh what a night it had been.

Turning on his back, Magnus stretched his limbs, feeling the kinks in his muscles pleasantly pull under his skin. The dark red silk that covered his bed still carried Alexander´s sweet scent. It was fainter now, a mere ghost of the real thing, but it still managed to stir something in Magnus´ body.

And, even though he was loath to admit it, in his feelings.

But that was sure to do with the post-sex pheromones and the overflow of dopamine and oxytocin and...Alexander actually seemed to be a wonderful young man. He was sweet and shy and smart as a whip once he opened up to you. Sympathetic to the downworlder cause and just to the bone, Magnus hoped that if they ever met again the least of what he could find in Alexander would be an ally.

And, in addition to the omega´s lovely nature, it didn´t hurt that he was so damn pretty, either. Magnus had noticed it when they first met in the dank and dreary warehouse. Even in the relative darkness, he had been taken by Alexander´s dark hair and wide eyes, the graceful build of his body and the high arch of his cheekbones. His beauty had been breathtaking in the flashing lights of Pandemonium and even more awe-inspiring when he was closer still, laying underneath Magnus in a sea of silk, his head thrown back in pleasure, exposing his long neck, and his legs a vice around the alpha´s hips.

Alec had been shy at the beginning, which was understandable given that it was his first time. Under Magnus´ careful ministrations, however, he had let himself relax and let his doubts be overrun by desire. In time, Alec surrendered to his instincts as he allowed himself to feel and receive the pleasure the alpha was showing him and, before long, he was intent on giving as much as he was receiving.

Yes, it had been a good night. Alec had been delightfully pliant and vocal and perfectly content to be pressed down in the soft bedding. Not only had Magnus been pleased as a man, but he had also been pleased as an alpha. The small part of him that was purely driven by his designation taking pride in having been the first to hear the startled gasp Alec gave when he entered the omega and the small, fingertip-shaped bruises he left on his hips that were mirrored by the ones his mouth had left on Alec´s collarbones.

With a pleased sigh, Magnus forced himself out of the bed and into his ensuite. He was happy to be in such a great mood knowing that he had a busy day ahead with a sea of clients booked for consultation and a meeting with Lucian Graymark at the Brooklyn Police station so they could discuss the missing downworlder cases that had started to pop up during the time Aldertree came into power at the Institute.

It was only the first meeting in a long line of meetings with different downworld representatives in New York as he tried to gather as much evidence as possible before meeting Aldertree himself in a few days. Magnus didn´t look forward to meeting Aldertree but, on the bright side, visiting the Institute meant that he might run into a certain shadowhunter he wouldn´t mind seeing again.

* * *

“Andrew Underhill?” Alec asked, his insides growing cold. “Consul Clearwater´s grandson?”

He knew Underhill from Idris. He and his grandmother had often visited the dinners hosted by Alec´s parents at the Lightwood mansion. They had even exchanged a few words here and there, mostly about inane things like weapons and demons and studying.

He wasn´t a potential mate for Alec but that didn´t really matter anyway. Not with Alec´s mother more invested in the relationship than the omega himself was.

“Yes. You remember him, I´m sure. A good alpha from an outstanding family with great connections.” Maryse smiled at Alec but the smile seemed a bit dim if frayed at the edges. “I´d hoped that...given your aspirations...you would have a hand in politics as you´ve always wanted.”

Alec hummed and leaned back on his chair. It was true, he guessed. Underhill seemed like a pliable enough alpha that Alec could easily take part in Clave politics through him.

But it wasn´t what he wanted anymore.

No, Alec wanted so much more. He wanted  _ more _ .

It was just too bad he would have to settle.

“When?” He asked tonelessly, drawing a tired hand over his face before turning his attention to rearranging the papers on his desk.

“What?” Maryse asked, taken aback. Alec figured she must have expected him to fight the decision but he was tired of the constant dread he felt whenever the bare idea of his mating came up. At least he knew Andrew somewhat, it was more than he could have asked for.

“The mating ceremony,” He clarified to his mother. “When is it?”

“Oh, on the 5th of September. The Clearwaters and I thought it would be prudent to have the ceremony before your birthday but not so soon that people would think…”

“That it´s an arranged marriage? That I am being forced into it? That I will never love my mate? That you´d rather sell your son for some status in the Clave than face the stupid gossip of irrelevant people?” He couldn´t keep his voice from dropping into a seething hiss as he interrogated his mother. He would go, but he wouldn´t do so quietly.

“Alec,” Maryse said, her wide eyes growing teary and her lips trembling. Alec didn´t buy it.

“I´ll make sure to ask the evening off for the mating ceremony. Thank you for informing me but I have to get back to work.”

“Alec, please…”

“If that is all, Maryse…”

There was a beat of silence before Maryse stood from the chair, her scent projecting the distress she was feeling. It gave Alec a sort of grim satisfaction and he could barely hold a smirk from his face until Maryse left the room.

Once the door closed, Alec dropped his face in his hands.

He didn´t know what to think.

He didn´t want to think.


	7. Andrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His throat constricted painfully as he thought about it. Alec had never wished for glory like Jace, had never wanted to be adored and feared like Isabelle. All he ever wanted was to be more than people thought of him. To be seen as more than an omega.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It´s been a while haha, sorry about that. I was busy finishing school and applying for PhD and amazingly got in so it has been a trainwreck of a time emotionally. I´ll try to do my best to find more time to write.

Andrew Underhill arrived at the New York Institute ten days after Alec was made aware of his engagement. The omega himself waited with both Maryse and Victor in order to welcome the newcomer but instead of engaging in the tense conversation his mother and the Head of the Institute were having, Alec stared at the large stained-glass windows that were illuminated by the morning sun, the sparkling fractals of light reminding him of the small specks of glitter he had found on his skin after…

It was no use thinking about it. With a sigh Alec forced himself to concentrate on the future instead of the memories that had haunted him since he shared a night with Magnus. He would be mated in a month, most likely pregnant within the year as was expected of him. From then on he would be sidelined from active duty and would have only a small part, if he were lucky, in the administrative duties in the institute. 

He would have a child. And another one. How many Raziel would bless him with whether he had a say in it or not. 

This mating was a prison sentence.

His throat constricted painfully as he thought about it. Alec had never wished for glory like Jace, had never wanted to be adored and feared like Isabelle. All he ever wanted was to be more than people thought of him. To be seen as more than an omega.

“Stand straight,” Maryse, who had sidled next to Alec said as the doors of the Institute opened. 

All Alec could do in lieu of causing a scene was to send his mother a scathing look before pulling his shoulders back and straightening his spine. 

“Alpha Underhill,” Victor greeted as the man drew near. “Welcome to the New York Institute.” 

“Thank you, Alpha Aldertree. And it is a pleasure to meet you again, Alpha Lightwood.” Andrew shook both of the alpha´s hands before turning to the omega. “Alec, it's nice to see you again. It has been much too long.” He held his hand out for Alec to take, which he politely did.

“Alpha Underhill,” Alec said tonelessly. “Welcome.”

The alpha smelled pleasantly of moss and fresh dew but it did nothing for Alec. Andrew reached out to brush his fingers against the scent glands at Alec´s wrist and he dropped the hand as if it had burned him, unwilling to carry his scent.

It wasn´t Magnus´. It didn't belong on him.

Something flashed in Andrew´s eyes. Something terribly sad and resigned and with a start, Alec realized that he would not be the only one trapped in a loveless bond. He had been stupid and gone and gotten attached to someone he could never have, dooming both himself and Andrew from the beginning.

“I hope you had a pleasant journey,” He offered tentatively, deciding to offer an olive branch. They were going to be mated one way or another, it wouldn´t do well for them to be less than polite with each other. 

“Ah, just the usual portal-jumping.” Andrew smiled and Alec allowed himself to appreciate the alpha´s features. He was a bit shorter than the omega but that didn't matter to Alec. He was also young, a few years older than himself if Alec remembered correctly, and had blonde hair and light blue eyes.

Andrew Underhill wasn´t what Alec wanted but he was far better than the other alpha´s Maryse had him meet.

Perhaps, Alec thought, forcing the memory of Magnus back into the recesses of his mind, only to be cherished when he was alone and desperate. Perhaps they could make this work.

* * *

“So that's him, hm?” Jace asked, nodding towards the blonde alpha who was bent over the command table at the ops centre. 

“Yeah,” Alec sighed, leaning heavily on the railing separating the second floor from the ops centre. “That's my alpha.”

“At least he doesn't seem to have tufts of hair growing out of his ears like Alpha Freeland. That _ has _to be a plus.”

The omega let out a weak laugh before glancing at his brother. “It's not all about looks, you know.”

“I couldn't say. Most people love me before I have the chance to open my mouth.” Jace argued. “The fact that he isn't a step away from a retirement home and looking for his fourth mate has to be worth something.”

“He is handsome enough, I can´t lie,” Alec admitted. “I just...I barely know him and we will be mated in a month. I will legally belong to him...in a month. It's not enough time. I´m not ready for this.”

“Alec…”

The omega swallowed heavily. “He has been pleasant thus far but I don't _know _him, Jace. I don´t know him enough to trust him. In a month my nest is his nest and he will be able to use the command on me as he pleases.”

“Hey now,” Jace said, reaching out to touch Alec soothingly as he reacted to his distressing scent. “If he _ ever _dares to force you into something against your will or hurts you...not only will me and Izzy put him into the ground but I'm sure you will break his neck before we have the chance to.”

Alec smiled slightly, more to Jace´s benefit than his own. Physically he could take Andrew on, for sure, but legally...in most cases he had read up on, the omega had no leg to stand on. By Nephilim law, and omega belonged to an alpha, both as a legal and physical entity. If he were to refuse Andrew´s command and it led to a physical altercation, it would be Alec who was to blame because it was the alpha´s right to command their omega. 

The law was hard but it was the law. And Alec alone was not enough to fight it.

“Mated or not, you are our brother,” Jace stressed. “And we will never leave you. If he ever hurts you, Iz and I will take you and we will make a run for it. We could run right now if you wanted, we both have our bags packed in case you say the word.”

“Jace,” Alec said, and his voice sounded too much like a sob. 

“You were meant to be my parabatai, Alec.” His brother said solemnly, reaching out to thread his fingers with Alec´s. “And to me, you always will be.”

* * *

Izzy was just in the middle of curling her hair early in the morning when someone frantically banged on her door. She stilled for a moment, her expression in the mirror turning into a deep frown. Alec never knocked like that, even when he was angry with Izzy, his knocking always consisted of two sharp taps. Clary´s knocking was usually a melody of some kind, frivolous in its childish joy and Jace...well Jace rarely ever knocked at all, choosing instead to saunter in whenever he pleased and brave Izzy´s rage and at least one bruise.

The banging sounded once again and Izzy hurriedly set the curling iron down before standing up, tightening the belt of her dressing gown and heading to the door. His parents should still be in Idris and Max hadn't said anything about returning from Mumbai so whoever wanted her attention must have been important enough to feel like they could demand it.

And they were.

It was Alec, wide-eyed and pale, wringing his hands together worriedly. He looked like he'd seen a ghost, a terrible, not fun one at that.

“Alec,” Izzy said gently, grasping his brother by his elbow. “Come in. What happened?”

The omega entered the room in silence, heading to the bed to sit down and then, after a moment jumping up again to pace the floor. He was hunched over, gnawing at the nail of his thumb, his other arm tight across his stomach.

He smelled downright _terrified_. Something that, for her whole life, Isabelle had never experienced coming from his stoic and always-in-control brother.

“Alec, please, what's going on? You're scaring me…”

“I…” Alec´s throat clicked audibly. He coughed and sniffled and dropped into the chair before Izzy´s vanity like a puppet whose strings had been cut. “My heat is late.”

In a flash, Izzy´s mind turned into mental gymnastics. She knew that Alec´s heats were fairly regular and she had already prepared a few shots of tranquilisers to get him through the worst of it and packed the medkit just in case something happened.

Izzy had been on stand-by for days now. _ Days_.

“What?” She asked dumbly.

With a great sigh, Alec dropped his face in his palms. “I need a pregnancy test.”

The mortification coming off of Alec in waves was suffocating.

“But…” Isabelle asked. “With Magnus...You said you were smart about it. That you guys used protection.”

“We did but what if it broke or slipped or...I don't know Iz. I´m scared. My heat has never been late like this. It's been four days.”

Izzy sat on the bed, her hands falling idle on her lap. It was true, most birth control methods had some potential for failure. If Alec really was pregnant, they would have to go out of state and find a mundane hospital or a warlock willing to do the job if he wanted to terminate it. The Clave would never allow it if they knew and while Isabelle herself had the theoretical knowledge...she wasn't sure if she could do it.

“I'm sure it’s just stress,” She said soothingly. “You are going through a lot right now with Aldertree and our parents and all that stuff. And you're barely eating or sleeping...I've missed a period or two for less.”

“You think so?” Alec asked hopefully. Izzy knew that he didn't want to have children, not now when everything in his life had been turned upside down. If it came out that Alec was pregnant with what the Clave would classify as a “bastard” out of wedlock, no respectable Alpha would ever mate him and their parents would most likely disown him.

If it became apparent that the child was a warlock...He´d be exiled at best.

“You´re overthinking it,” Izzy said as she rose from the bed, forcing her scent to remain calm and professional. Alec always responded better to rationality. “There's very little chance that you are actually pregnant but nevertheless, I can perform a blood test just so you can be sure, alright?”

Alec nodded slightly before standing and pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. Isabelle relaxed in his hold, pressing her nose against Alec´s chest and breathing in the familiar scent, the one that had followed her through childhood. All she ever wanted was her brother to be happy, come hell or high water.

Whatever the result, they would deal in a way that was best for Alec.

“Calm your scent and meet me in the downstairs lab in ten minutes,” She told Alec. “Bring your own laptop, you know how Aldertree loves to snoop. He´s a medic, he's smart enough to know what I was testing for.”

“Last time he tried to go through your computer, he got a nasty virus for it,” Alec said, a small grin finally appearing on his face. “I see you took my advice?”

“I blamed it on porn,” Izzy waggled her eyebrows. “You should have seen his face. Go now, take a quick shower.”

Alec left, his scent not as miserable as before and Isabelle turned back towards her mirror. She contemplated her looks for a moment, toying with the strands of her half-curled hair before plaiting it into a long braid and throwing it to rest on her back. Quickly dressing in a plain black dress and throwing on a more casual pair of heels, she was just heading out of the door when she stopped, and with long strides headed back to her vanity.

With an expert hand, she painted her lips scarlet red. She was a Lightwood, after all, and even when facing the greatest of difficulties, the Lightwoods did not waver.

Alec was already waiting at her station when she finally reached the lab, a cup of tar-like black coffee and a latte with three sugars in her hands. She wordlessly passed the sugary drink to Alec, who was seated in Izzy´s uncomfortable lab chair, his shoulders tight and drawn face covered with dripping hair.

It seems like her brother had managed to think himself into another funk during the short time they were apart. Thankfully, it was early enough for the lab to be deserted so they had the luxury of being alone, making it easier to contain Alec´s reaction to the outcome of this test.

“It's gonna be fine,” Izzy said, cupping the omega´s cheek with a gentle hand. “Whatever happens, I'm never going to leave you.”

“I know, Iz,” Alec sighed. “I love you and I trust you, but I'm still worried.”

“Let's get this over with, then. So you don't have to worry any more.”

With a firm pat to Alec´s cheek, one that made her brother roll his eyes and bat at her weakly, Izzy stepped away from the omega to get the equipment she needed ready while Alec busied himself with booting up his computer and downloading the software.

“I´m going to perform the beta hCG test, also known as the human chorionic gonadotropin test. It measures the amount of hCG in your blood, which is rapidly produced from the moment a fertilized egg is implanted in the uterus and is more accurate than urine tests.” Izzy explained while she was prepping the needle once they were finally ready to proceed with the test.

She had already applied a tourniquet on Alec´s upper arm and, not bothering to warn his brother, quickly pierced his skin with the needle. Alec didn't show any reaction to the small pinprick, he never did, not like Jace who had to be almost tied down in order for Isabelle to take his blood for regular testing and to give him his vaccines.

Quickly drawing two small vials of blood, she removed the needle and the tourniquet and pressed a cotton bud on the wound before putting a band-aid decorated with tiny cartoon kittens on it. Sadly, Alec didn't notice Izzy´s small attempt to get a smile out of him, instead staring at the machine that was mixing his blood with a loud whirring sound and anxiously worrying the nail of his thumb between his teeth.

It took a few minutes for the machine to give out a shrill beep and for the screen of Alec´s computer to light up with incoming information. Within an instant, Alec was glued to his laptop, his fingers trembling as he quickly scrolled through the charts, his eyes flitting back and forth nervously.

“I don't know how to read it,” He snapped after staring at the charts filled with rows upon rows of numbers for barely a minute. “I don´t understand!” He pushed away from the table, setting the chair he had sat on to crack against the far wall with a kick of his leg. “Fuck sake, Izzy, tell me what it says!”

Graciously, Isabelle decided to ignore his brother´s ire, knowing well that it was born of fear and desperation. She bent over the laptop just as Alec set on anxiously pacing to-and-fro behind her, taking in the amount of information presented to her and finding the logic in it.

Within seconds she turned towards Alec, who stopped her pacing in favour of staring at her with a panicked look on his face.

“Negative.”

The relief overcoming her brother was palpable. Alec closed his eyes against it and fell back to sit on another chair belonging to someone else's work station. He buried his face in his hands as he had before, in Izzy´s room. His shoulders were shaking.

For a moment, Isabelle thought that Alec was crying, which confused her. The fact that he wasn't pregnant nipped many of their problems in the bud before they could even manifest.

It was a blessing, really.

With a great sigh, Alec dropped his hands on his lap and leaned against the backrest of the chair. She looked at Isabelle for a moment before his shoulders started shaking again but there were no tears in his eyes.

He was _ laughing _.

“Blessed be Raziel,” He said after his laughter had died down. “Fuck I was scared.”

“It's only natural when you are not prepared for a baby,” Isabelle said, busying herself with clearing the equipment they used. “Are you...planning to see Magnus again?”

“I don´t know,” He admitted. “I wouldn't mind it but...I don´t think I should. I'm engaged now.”

“Well, Underhill seems like a good guy.”

“He is, without a doubt but…”

“He isn't Magnus,” Izzy finished for him, studying Alec carefully.

“No, he isn´t,” The omega agreed. “I hope that one day we could be friends without it being awkward between us.”

“Perhaps you will grow to love him, even if he´s not a potential mate. He seemed interested in you.”

“Perhaps,” Alec smiled at her, but the smile never reached his eyes and his scent, which just moments before had been sweet with relief, soured. “Perhaps.”

Isabelle knew then and there that his brother would never love Andrew Underhill, try as he might. He would do his duty without a complaint, he would bear children for him, but…The Nephilim tended to fall in love once and do so fiercely and Alec´s heart was already taken by Magnus Bane.


End file.
